


Save You, Save Me

by dawnfells



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2019-07-14 19:38:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16047191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnfells/pseuds/dawnfells
Summary: Steve got thawed out, woke up after almost 70 years of sleep, went on a journey across the country, and ended up meeting a newly banished Prince of Asgard. Thor got banished to Earth and met some inspiring Midgardians, learned about Midgardian heroes, unknowing that one of those heroes were with him.(Sometimes, awful things happened to Thor and Steve. Sometimes, they were there to comfort each other.)





	1. Like summer rain that falls

**Author's Note:**

> written after struggling for fic ideas for the whole day and ending up with 'hey what if steve was thawed earlier and somehow got involved in thor's story' and that led to a series canon divergences ideas of the movies. so yeah, a lot of plots of this story probably had been used in current and older stories, though I am still excited to write it because it will lead to an actual story. there would be two 'parts' of this story, the first one is canon divergence of movies from thor to civil war, while the second part will be a new plot set after ragnarok and ignoring infinity war lol.
> 
> thor/jane will still be a part of this story, though not enough to warrant a tag because the first part of this story will be mostly from steve's pov. i hope you will enjoy the fic and if anyone is willing to be a beta reader, please contact me! english is hard, you know.

Steve glanced around, wondering if he should stay in the city or if he should go on his journey, visiting other cities. It didn’t look like there was anything interesting about New Mexico, and yet he thought he would like this place. The area he was in was not as suffocating as other cities, especially compared to New York. It was also not as modern looking as the other cities he had visited, making him feel more at ease. New York was too overwhelming, he remembered so clearly how it used to look like so the difference was striking.

He sighed, finally concluding that he was tired and that he should stay there for at least a day. He pried his phone from his pocket and sent a message to Fury, informing where he was. He felt like a kid again, having to report where he was to an adult, being watched from far away. He hated that he had to depend on strangers ever since he got thawed. He wished he could just run away, but he couldn’t because he had nothing. Everything he had now, even his money, was managed by S.H.I.E.L.D. He knew no one or anything.

It was a compromise. He decided that in order to learn about this new century; he needed to get out, to explore the country and adapted into how different everything was, instead of being holed in an apartment where all he did was learning on how to use gadgets and reading about history. Apparently, the people in the upper positions didn’t want to let go of him and Fury’s hands were tied. After several attempts at breaking out and running away though, they finally agreed to his demand and let him go on a tour with a motorcycle, as long as he reported once a day.

He was pretty sure he was being followed, but he still reported. He tried hard to think all of this was not really a big deal, that they were just looking out for him even though he knew they would want something from him. He waited for an answer, getting lost in his own maze of mind and forgetting the cup of tea he had ordered.

He was taken out of his reverie when he heard something broke, making him almost jump. His heart raced and his body went frigid—maybe it’s a little pathetic how easily surprised by little sounds, now. He looked around again, finding the others surprised, too. He heard a woman talking loudly, turning his attention there. The woman was scolding a man with long blond hair for breaking a mug on purpose. He watched, observing because he had nothing to do. The man seemed to not understand what he did wrong, which was weird because in what kind of place breaking something was normal?

He ended up studying the man, speculating why the man seemed out-of-place even though he looked normal. The way he talked, some words he spoke, felt foreign. His accent—didn’t sound British, but Steve was sure he was not from here. Steve shook his head, wondering if he was creepy for observing a stranger.

His phone beeped, notifying him of a reply from Fury. He frowned as he read the text because Fury was telling him that a S.H.I.E.L.D team was coming to New Mexico to check out an unmovable hammer and asked him if there was anything he needed so the team can bring it to him. He didn’t reply right away, wondering if he should cancel his 5 minutes old plan and ran away as far as possible from there. But then he suddenly missed his shield, unable to take it with him on his journey because it would be suspicious. It was the only thing that came along with him from the past. He bit his lip and typed out his reply.

***

Steve managed to book a room in a low-rent hotel near to the little diner he visited earlier. He went to his room and put down his stuff before deciding to lie down and take a little rest. His shield was on the way, along with a S.H.I.E.L.D team and Steve said he would go to them to check his shield. He was not planning to bring it with him, he just needed to see and touch it.

After a while he finally got up again, deciding to buy snacks in case he got hungry late at night. His metabolism still working too well even when his body has slept for almost 70 years. He went to the nearest mini market and was greeted with an argument between the cashier and one customer. He recognized the customer as the man who broke the mug at the diner earlier.

“I am sorry, Sir, you have to pay for that.”

“How do I pay for this?”

“Using money?”

Steve went past them, going to the snacks and bread area to choose which ones he should buy. He tried to focus on choosing the snacks, but he could still hear them talking, though.

“I don’t have money.”

“Then you can’t take this away.”

“Is there anything I can trade for this?”

“Hmm, money?”

“I don’t have money.”

“Then you can’t have this.”

Steve shook his head a little because the conversation went nowhere, and the cashier slowly grew frustrated. He picked up more snacks, deciding that he should just buy several days’ worth of snacks, and then went to the cashier. They still argued, now the man really tried to trade anything for the mug he was holding. Not only the cashier, the man slowly started to look frustrated, too. But he seemed so earnest and Steve thought maybe he really didn’t have anything to pay for the mug.

Steve stepped forward, put his snacks on the table and said, “I will pay for that mug and these.”

The man frowned, clutching his mug possessively and claimed, “This is mine.”

“Yes, you can officially have that after I pay for it,” Steve explained and then turned to the cashier, “How much?”

The cashier scanned the mug and then all the snacks before finally answering, “That will be 20 dollars.”

“Here you go, can I have a plastic bag?” Steve handed the cashier the money he already put out of his wallet and then took the mug and handed it to the man, “And here’s your mug.”

The man looked very confused and Steve waited as the cashier put all his snacks into a bag and then handed it to him. He started to walk away from the market and the man followed him, asking, “Do I need to pay you for this?”

“No, you don’t need to,” Steve responded, making the man looked very grateful. Steve wondered if he was wasting money as the money he has now was not even his but S.H.I.E.L. D’s. He stopped walking on the sidewalk and looked at the man, “But you really don’t have money, right?”

He wanted to make sure he didn’t waste his money on a liar.

It was only now, when they were close to each other, he realized that he was looking at the man’s shoulder instead of his face, making him realize that the man was much bigger and taller than him. It was weird, he barely met anyone who was taller than him after he got the serum. He ended up having to look up a little to see eye to eye to him, to see if he was being honest.

“No,” The man answered, “Do you know where I might acquire a horse?”

“A...horse?” Steve repeated, taken aback by the question. Why would someone need a horse? He tried to think if he had seen any horse around and on his way here, but he couldn’t recall if he had seen any, so he shrugged and answered, “I don’t think you can get a horse from around here.”

The man looked disappointed, but he lightened when he saw something behind Steve.

“Ah, please wait,” the man said, patting Steve’s shoulder before walking away to approach a woman who Steve recognized as the owner of the diner. Steve realized that the mug was probably to replace the one the man broke. He thought the owner asked for a replacement, but as she looked surprised that the man gave him a new mug and seemed grateful for the new mug. So, the man did it on his own accord and when he said he didn’t know that it was not okay to break something to show gratefulness, he really meant it.

“That’s nice of you,” Steve commented when the man came back to him. He was glad that the person he was helping seemed like a nice guy.

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” Steve said, changing the topic. He looked at the man, wondering why the man seemed as out of place as him, “So...I assume you are not from here?”

“No, I am not from here, I am from a distant place. I am...displaced,” the man said, contorting his face in a way that told Steve that he didn’t even really understand his situation. Steve could relate to that feeling.

“Oh, I am from a faraway place, too. Do you have any place to stay?”

If he was from a faraway place and didn’t even have money, how big was a chance of him having a place here? Unless he was here with his family. Suddenly, he wondered where the people who were with the man earlier went. They couldn’t just leave him here, right?

“No, but I need to go to retrieve something of mine. I know where to go, I just need a horse, so I can go.”

Oh right, they were talking about a horse earlier. Somehow, Steve got sidetracked.

“Uhm, we don’t use a horse to travel, not anymore.”

Where did this man come from? Where in the world was a horse still a normal transportation? Even in Steve’s era, they used cars. Steve’s current knowledge of the new century was not enough to predict where this man was from.

“Then what can I use?”

The man looked so lost, Steve wanted to pat him. The man was even more lost in this world that Steve was; it seemed. He never thought he would find someone with less knowledge about this world than he was, making him felt even more curious about who this man was and making him felt the need to help the man. He knew too well how it felt like to know basic things that everyone else knew.

“A motorcycle. Cars. These are very expensive, though, if you have no money you can’t get them.”

“Oh. Then I really need help to travel to that place.”

Steve was curious now and wondered, “Where do you need to go? What do you need to retrieve?”

“Fifty miles west of here. I need to retrieve and reclaim my hammer, Mjölnir.”

A hammer? Fifty miles west of here? That was exactly where Fury told him to go to get his shield. Was the hammer this man talking about was the same unmovable hammer people were talking about? If that was so, Steve could help this man if that hammer was really his. He wondered if he could take the man there along with him or if he needed to ask for permissions first. He had a feeling that he would be denied, though.

“I might be able to help you,” Steve declared and cursed himself at his inability to walk away from the possibility of helping someone. It didn’t help that the man lighted up and smiled so widely upon hearing what Steve declared.

“Really?”

“Yes.” Steve answered, he decided that he needed to ask questions first before he helped a stranger again, “But you need to answer my questions first and convince me before I help you.”

He hoped that he wouldn’t regret this.

***

Thor stared at the man who helped him, wondering if this man would require something from him after helping him. But he had said nothing about that, even after Thor refused to let the man bought a meal for him, not wanting to be in debt more especially if this man would bring him to his hammer. He really would want to try eating what Darcy called pop-tarts again, perhaps later.

“So, what’s your name?” the man asked, almost finishing eating his food in a matter of minutes.

Thor wondered whether he should answer the question of no, if he should explain everything as it was. Being puzzling and secretive didn’t help him with Jane Foster, leaving him more stranded and lost, not knowing how to navigate this realm more. Perhaps he was fortuitous that he met this mortal.

“I am Thor, Thor Odinson,” he finally introduced himself. He wished that this meeting would go better than his previous meetings, that he wouldn’t end up in strange places again. He disliked the feeling of being lost, the feeling of being someone who knew nothing.

“I am Steve,” the mortal finally introduced himself and it felt wonderful to finally know his name, though it was curious how he didn’t tell Thor his family name, “So, you said you are from a distant place, where exactly it is?”

“Do you know of a place named Asgard?” Thor asked though he wondered if it would be dangerous to tell this Steve about his home.

The man shook his head, making Thor felt disappointed, “No.”

“I am from there.”

Steve frowned and then take something from somewhere Thor couldn’t see, something square and played with it. Thor had seen it several times during his stay here, but he couldn’t remember what it was called. It was not something that was common in Asgard. He waited for Steve to say something, but Steve kept looking at the thing and frowned even more because whatever it was he saw on that.

“Asgard? Uhm...Asgard is from a mythology. Part of Yggdrasil?”

Thor smiled. Whatever that thing was, it was telling Steve about Asgard. Perhaps it knew how to go back there too?

“Yes!”

“And Thor is a god of thunder,” Steve said. He finally looked at Thor again, his expression was full of doubt and confusion.

“Yes! So, you Midgardians do have tales about us!”

That was a delight to know, that the tale of Asgard was known among other realms. Though now, Steve was giving the same look other people gave him before, a look that told Thor that Steve might think of him as a madman. Thor supposed he should prepare himself to run away.

“So, you are saying that you are a god and a prince of Asgard.”

“I am.”

Steve raised his eyebrow, “Can you summon lightning then?”

Thor fretted. His hand clutched around nothing, really wishing he had Mjölnir with him. He was certain that having it would make it easier for him the deal being sent here. He needed to go there and pick up the hammer. At least, he knew no one else would be able to pick up the hammer, so he didn’t have to worry about it getting misplaced somewhere else.

“I can. But...not now. I need to reclaim my hammer, Mjölnir, it can help me summon my powers and show you what I am capable of,” Thor explained, knowing he sounded desperate. He was desperate. He wanted to come back to Asgard, wanted to explain his side of the story properly. He still felt it was unfair for Odin to banish him.

“I see,” Steve nodded but still looked unconvinced, “Please wait, I need to check on some things.”

Thor nodded too, and Steve seemed to be reading something on the box of wonder. Thor was quite intrigued with this mortal—he felt different from the other mortals around them and Thor felt a kinship with him even though they met not long ago. He just could not place what it was he felt kinship about.

“How about you? Where are you from?” Thor wondered out loud. If Steve would really help him, then he wanted to know the good man.

Steve looked up at him, seemed to think about something. There was a pause before he hesitantly answered, “The forties.”

It was Thor’s turn to frown, trying to remember if he knew of the place. He had to admit that his knowledge about Midgard was very limited. He apologized and admitted, “Ah, I have never heard of such a place.”

“Yeah, it’s really far from here,” Steve shrugged, “I am travelling. Trying to live my life again.”

“Trying to live your life again?” Thor repeated because Steve made it sound like he had lost his world, once.

“Yeah, I was in a war but now the war is over, I need to adjust.”

Ah, now Thor could recognize what kind of kinship he felt towards the man. He could always recognize a fellow warrior, even if it took a while for him to realize. For a Midgardian, Steve was well-built, it was no wonder he was a warrior here. It was great to meet someone who was alike to him.

“You were in a war? Then you are a fellow warrior like me! How many wars have you been involved in?” Thor asked, curiosity taking over him. Steve flinched a little and Thor wondered if he asked a forbidden question or if Steve regretted disclosing that information to Thor. Thor hoped that he didn’t overstep his boundary.

“Just one,” Steve ended up answering while fiddling with the box, looking at the outside. He looked downcast and Thor wondered if the war brought Steve pain or if he lost in the war.

He couldn’t help but ask, “Did you win?”

Steve shrugged, “Well, people said we won.”

“That’s great then, but why do you look so sad about it?”

Steve smiled, but it was such a bitter smile that Thor felt a little hurt for him. It was clear that Thor was digging something he probably shouldn’t have, that he might have brought bad memories for him. Thor didn’t really understand though. A war won should be celebrated, a triumph. He had always felt so proud about winning a good fight, proud of proving himself as a capable warrior.

Steve answered, “Because personally, it doesn’t really feel like a win.”

“But you won.”

“But I also lost a lot to wars. I lost my family, friends, and, in a way, I even lost my own life.”

Oh. Thor could understand that. It was just that he had never lost so much during wars, his friends were a capable warrior who always survived. When he did lose a fellow warrior, he mourned and felt the loss deeply, so he at least knew how grief felt like. There was no event that had made him felt like he had lost his life, though, and perhaps that was his weakness but also his strength. This was the most lost he had ever felt in his life.

“Do you regret it, then?” he wondered. He wondered what a war meant to people on this realm, if the way Midgard perceived a war was different to how Asgard perceived it.

“I wish that there are no wars anymore, that all people can be free. But, if it means saving lives, if it was the right thing to do, I will do it again.,” Steve said with no doubt, despite the sadness and grief that were clear on his face. He sighed, “I am sorry, I am suddenly dumping all of this on you.”

Why was he apologizing even though Thor was the one who asked the questions? Thor shook his head and apologized earnestly, “No, I apologize for reminding you of your grief.”

Steve said nothing, just taking a sip of his drink. He stared at Thor for several seconds, seemingly compartmentalizing. After that, he decided, “Anyway, I will bring you to your hammer.”

Thor was taken aback even though he had been hoping that Steve would help him. He didn’t know what made Steve finally came to that decision, but he didn’t want to question that too much in case Steve changed his mind.

“Truly?”

“Let’s go.”

Steve stood up and Thor followed him to the counter to pay for the meals and then went out of the diner. Steve turned to him and said, “Please wait here, I need to get my key first. I will come back, I promise.”

Before Steve could leave him, a car stopped in front of them and Thor’s eyes widen when he recognized it and when Jane Foster showed, yelling at him, “Hey, you still need a lift?”

“Jane Foster!” Thor exclaimed, feeling joy at seeing her again, “You can take me there?”

“Yes, I will take you there,” Jane agreed. She looked at Steve, who was looking at them both in confusion, and wondered, “Who is that?”

“This is my new friend, Steve. He is going to take me there,” Thor introduced them.

Steve waved his hand, “Uhm. Hi.”

“Ah, so you don’t need my ride anymore?” Jane frowned, seemingly disappointed. Thor wondered what made her changed her mind about helping him, but he was glad she changed her mind. Now he was confused though, because there were two people willing to help him and he didn’t know what to do.

Thankfully, Steve decided for him.

“Oh, I guess you can go with her, you will feel more comfortable riding a car. I have a motorcycle.”

Thor nodded, a little hesitantly opened the car’s door and climbed up. He looked at Steve and said, “Thank you for offering your help.”

Steve nodded, “It’s alright. You should go before it’s too dark.”

“Farewell, Steve.”

“Farewell.”

***

When Fury said S.H.I.E.L.D. was checking out the hammer, he expected them to really just checking it out, not building a whole a camp with guards everywhere to inspect it. He probably shouldn’t be so surprised, but he still didn’t know everything about S.H.I.E.L.D. and what they were capable of. After the surprise, he started to wonder if Thor had arrived and how the hell he was going to enter here and reclaim his hammer. That became his first important question, replacing the question about how Thor would get the hammer if it was unmovable. That became the second question.

He went here not that long after Thor and Jane went. He didn’t see Thor and Jane anywhere, but he didn’t have time to search for them before Agent Coulson greeted him and brought him inside. There were many people there and Coulson brought him to a discreet area where only high-level agents were allowed. Apparently, not many people knew Captain America was alive now. He was glad for that but also wondered if one day, people would know and he had to become Captain America again instead of just Steve Rogers.

Steve looked around, wondering why they needed to have a discreet area here. He was lucky that he arrived before the rain poured. He could hear thunders in the distance and he was not sure if he could handle driving a motorcycle in the rain amidst thunders.

Coulson, who was getting his shield, coughed to get his attention and made Steve turned to him. He handed him his shield, looking giddy holding it in his hands. It was weird seeing an agent like him being flustered, Steve was used to the stoic agents and soldiers. And apparently, Agent Coulson was not usually like this, only in front of Steve, which made him feel weirder.

“Here’s your shield, Captain.”

Steve accepted the shield, putting it on his hand. He felt a little at home at least with the shield; it felt like a part of him sometimes. He smiled gratefully, and then finally asked, “What are you doing, here, exactly?”

“We are just investigating the hammer,” Agent Coulson said, smoothly. Steve had a feeling they wouldn’t tell him much, after all, he was not an agent. Fury tried to include him in some things and probably had plans for him when Steve was ready, but Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D itself had a ton of secrets. Steve didn’t need to know them well to know that.

“That hammer, it’s really unmovable?”

“Yes, many people had tried to pick it up and failed, not even a truck could move it,” Coulson explained, “Do you want to try picking it up?”

“Oh no, Sir, no,” Steve refused in a hurry even though he doubted that Coulson was really offering. He was not interested, anyway, if a truck couldn’t move it, why would he? That would be fruitless. Before Coulson could say anything, he continued with, “Thank you for bringing my shield, I will stay here for a while and then return it to you.”

He had to wait until the rain stopped pouring anyway before he could come back to the hotel.

“Take all the time you need.”

Steve nodded and once again said, “Thank you.”

Coulson looked lost on what to say and they just stood awkwardly, facing each other. Steve was not sure what to say too, so he wished that Coulson would say something. Thankfully, Coulson retreated while muttering, “I…need to go, if there was anything you need you can call me.”

“Okay,” Steve said. When Coulson was gone, he felt relieved at being left alone. He touched his shield and feeling lost. After he was done with his tour, what should he do? He still felt doubts about joining S.H.I.E.L.D, his only motivation for that was because Peggy founded it. But was that enough? If he didn’t join, what should he do? Maybe it was something that should be talked about with his therapist, though he hadn’t seen her since long ago and they only met twice before Steve ran away for his tour. He was still struggling to convince himself that he was okay and just needed time to adjust. He just needed time.

Thunder suddenly stroke loudly and Steve threw himself to the floor and hid behind the shield, surprised at the sound. His heart raced in an instant and his mind flashed back to the explosions in France, to the time when a bomb exploded. He shut his eyes and flinched, making himself smaller when he heard another thunder, lips praying for it to end. He breath ragged until he had almost a hard time breathing. He tried to calm himself, fully realizing that he was safe and not in the war, though his mind kept replaying the scenes he saw and his body seemed to forget.

He let go of his shield, trying to absorb his surrounding, trying to convince himself that he was safe, that he was just surprised. He was dizzy, his sight swirling, and for a moment he was grateful that no one was around to see him like this. He sat, put his legs up to his chest and hug it, burying his head in between his arms.

_Get it together, Rogers. Get it together._

He didn’t know how long it took before his heart raced at a normal pace and he could breathe easily again. It felt like a long time before he stopped feeling so dizzy. It was not the first time this happened, but it still wasn’t easy. Though at least he knew a little what to do with himself.

As he pulled himself together, he heard a loud wail that made him get up. He looked outside as the room he was in could see where the hammer was, and he was certain that the wail came from there. He could see clearly again and he didn’t need time to see that it was Thor wailing in front of the hammer, somehow managing to get inside despite the many guards.

Thor sounded so grieved, it hurt Steve to hear.

**To Be Continued**


	2. Like a newly blossomed flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helping Thor earned Steve several new friends, but too bad his time in New Mexico didn't last long.

The beer tasted funny in his tongue, like a lot of other drinks. Drinks and foods changed too, a lot of them taste too salty or too sweet for him. Or maybe these didn’t change, maybe he was just too used to bland tasted food so a lot of food almost caused him sensory overload, now. He loved food, loved the variety and the abundance in this era, but during his trip, he had learned to avoid trying out food that seemed to wild, at least until his tongue got used to them. He had had no alcohol until now though, so he wondered if the beer had changed or if this pub’s beer was just particularly different from others.

Well, at least now he knew if there was one thing that hadn’t change, it was his inability to get drunk.

He wasn’t even planning to be here, wasn’t planning to have any drinks. He was there now because he followed Thor and his friend, making sure they came back all right while also making sure that the S.H.I.E.L.D agent that followed them didn’t try to do anything funny. While he was at the site he had heard—accidentally—about how S.H.I.E.L.D took away Dr. Jane Foster’s works without permissions, which made him frown because he didn’t know they would do something like that and that Coulson or Fury would allow that to happen. It made him felt disappointed at them and made him wonder if he really would want to work for them. He didn’t want to do things like that.

He was also sorry that he could not break Thor out of there, unable to find excuses to talk to Thor without being suspicious or breaking into the room. As he waited for the rain to stop he tried to plan things, but fortunately Thor’s friend—Dr. Selvig?—could get Thor out with a clumsy excuse, though with an agent tailing them. So now there they were, an agent watching Thor and his friend drinking, while Steve watched both.

He watched as Dr. Selvig increasingly got drunker and the agent got increasingly getting bored. Steve didn’t have many experiences dealing with secret agents, but from his own observation, he could see that the agent sent to follow Thor was a new agent or at least a junior one. He didn’t have the focus more senior agents had, and he did several small mistakes: he drank the beer he ordered and he didn’t realize that Steve was watching and tailing him. Unless he couldn’t get drunk like Steve, then that was a mistake. As Dr. Selvig finally looked wasted, and the agent didn’t pay as much attention, Steve put on his cap and walked towards Thor, sitting down beside Thor.

Thor, who was trying to engage with Dr. Selvig’s non-sense ramblings, didn’t realize he was there until Steve coughed. Thor looked puzzled but then smiled upon recognizing Steve.

“Someone is following you around, you should be careful. Don’t do anything dangerous,” Steve told him, nodding when the bartender offered him a beer. His dinner was officially replaced by lots of beer, tonight. If he was normal, maybe he might end up with alcohol poisoning. Knowing how frail his old body was, that was very probable.

“Really? Someone from S.H.I.E.L.D?” Thor wondered out loud, looking around trying to find that person.

“Don’t look around, look straight, don’t look at me,” Steve warned, looking straight so the agent wouldn’t notice they were talking to each other, or at least that they knew each other well. He didn’t want S.H.I.E.L.D to know his involvement with Thor, he thought of the possibility that would lead to complicated situations. “If you saw someone wearing a hat and a black jacket, that is the person.”

Thor seemed to realize his mistake, turning his head again in a hurry. He looked at Dr. Selvig and his thumb caressed the edge of his glass in a worry, “I saw him. How do you know about this? I don’t even realize that someone is following me.”

“I was at the hammer site because I was curious, turned out it was already closed. Saw you there with your friend, I was going to greet you but then I noticed someone was following you,” he explained, a carefully crafted lie he had designed while watching out for Thor, “Ended up following all of you here.”

“I see, thank you for telling me this,” Thor said without an ounce of suspicion, “It seems that I have a lot of debts to you.”

Next to Thor, Dr. Selvig banged his head on the counter and fell asleep.

“Nah, don’t sweat about it, just want to help,” Steve said, not wanting Thor to feel indebted because he also did this for himself. He needed something to do, something to distract his mind from being lost in the maze of the past, so this helped him, made him have a goal rather than doing nothing in his room. He continued to act clues, asking out loud, “So, S.H.I.E.L.D? Why is someone following you?”

“Dr. Selvig said it was an organization? I was not sure about it, but they took away Dr. Foster’s life works,” Thor told him, confirming his suspicions, “I think they were following me because I tried to reclaim Mjolnir.”

“Oh yeah, how about the hammer?” Steve asked, trying to make himself not suspicious, though he instantly regretted asking that because Thor looked even more downcast. He didn’t need to ask that question.

“I couldn’t pick it up, just like others, even though it was mine,” Thor told him, following that by drinking his beer and emptying his glass. He gulped and continued, “My father said only the worthy ones will be able to lift it. Seems like I am truly not worthy.”

“I am sorry,” Steve said quietly. This all seemed bizarre and seemed like something he won’t understand, “I don’t really understand about it, but, I am sure you are worthy. Maybe your father has a different definition of worthy.”

From what he read, Thor’s hammer was like Steve’s shield, at least he thought so. It was his constant company for his battles, a symbol and a witness for his hard-fought battles. He had the hammer much longer that Steve, too, since it seemed that Thor was old enough to have old tales about him. Steve wasn’t sure how he would feel if someone told him he was not worthy of his shield, but he thought he would feel hurt hearing that.

“The last thing my father said about me before he banished me here was that I am a vain, cruel, greedy boy,” Thor said, sounding like he almost cried. Steve seriously wondered what had happened between Thor and his father, but he didn’t want to dig deeper in the Thor’s already hurt feelings. It seemed so cruel for a father to say to his child, but then again Steve knew not all parents knew how to parent.

“That doesn’t seem true,” Steve said. He was not lying. Yes, they barely knew each other, but Thor didn’t look to be cruel or greedy. He looked like a golden retriever. A sad one. It was hard to not look at Thor when he was trying to comfort him.

“Steve, do you believe everything I said?” Thor asked, sounding so unsure of himself, “That I am from another realm, that I am a God of Thunder?”

Did he? Steve wasn’t so sure himself if everything Thor told him was true. It sounded wild, but Thor didn’t seem to be lying at all. Steve knew how to see if people were lying. Thor also looked and sounded so earnest in his plea for help, looked so lost and confused about being here, Steve couldn’t help but believe him.

He was more curious about why he found it easy to talk to Thor. He even revealed parts about his life yesterday, to someone who was almost a stranger. He didn’t realize how much he wanted to say his feelings out loud.

“I have seen a lot of weird things, I think a God of Thunder from another realm is quite possible, though very stretching it,” _the serum, Red Skull, the tesseract, being alive after being frozen for almost 70 years,_ “I am not sure if what you said is true, but I can see that you’re not lying.”

“Thank you, for your help, and for believing me.”

“No problem,” Steve nodded. It must be really hard for Thor, being in a world he was not familiar with, a world that wouldn’t believe him if he told them who he truly was. Steve was at least born and had lived an era here. He wondered if they talked for too long and if the agent got suspicious, but he felt like he just could not leave Thor alone with his passed-out friend. “About what your father said, I am sure it’s not true, sometimes people said what they didn’t mean when they were angry.”

“Now, I think you believe in me a little too much,” Thor chuckled good-naturedly.

“Yeah, my friend said I believe in people too much,” Steve said. Bucky said Steve was weird for still believing people can be good even though he himself fought with other people so often. He argued that he only fought other people if they did bad things and showed no remorse about it, but he mostly chose to talk to them first to see if they could stop or change, “But he also said I am pretty good at judging other people’s personalities.”

“You’re a good man, Steve.”

Hearing that made him suddenly remembered Dr. Erskine. The one who believed in him when he was nothing. Remembered his promise to him, to be a good man instead of a good soldier. He wondered if he managed to fulfil that promise. He tried, but he was not sure if he succeeded.

Dr. Selvig groaned, distracting him from his mind.

“You have a place to go?” Steve asked, wondering where Thor would go. He assumed that he would go to Dr. Selvig’s house and if Thor didn’t know where to go, hopefully even though he was drunk, Dr. Selvig could remember his own address.

“I think I need to bring this man home,” Thor explained, “He told me to go away from him and Dr. Foster, but I couldn’t just leave him here.”

Oh, that was mean of the doctor.

“You should bring him outside, I will catch up and help you find a cab.”

At least that way, he would just look like a good Samaritan trying to help.

***

Steve almost didn’t sleep at all last night. After he was back from the bar, he took a shower and then lied down on the bed, staring at the ceiling for hours. He thought of a lot of things—wondering if Thor managed to arrive at wherever he was going, wondering what S.H.I.E.L.D was trying to do with the hammer, and then his mind suddenly wondered if Peggy was doing all right. She was alive—but Steve was not sure if it would be okay for him to contact her. She had moved on and for her; it had been over 60 years since the last time she heard his voice. It wasn’t fair for her, for him to suddenly show up again in her life.

And his mind drifted off again, wondering if he didn’t do what he did, would they end up together? His mind played scenarios he didn’t want to imagine. He finally fell asleep for a while, only to be woken up by a nightmare. Just like most of his nights. He hated that; he wanted his mind to just calm down; he wanted himself to stop thinking.

He skipped breakfast because he was not in the mood to move from his mood and by lunch, he had to drag himself to the diner. Still, he found himself with no appetite despite feeling hungry. He took long breaks in between his bites, regretting ordering a big size of lunch, though he knew he needed to eat a lot. He paused eating again, wondering if he should be on the road again. Driving made him unable to think those thoughts, driving gave him something to focus on.

“Steve my friend!” a loud voice startled him, the same voice that startled him yesterday. He almost dropped his fork. Thor really had a way to startle him. Once he gathered his wits though, he smiled at Thor who was already taking a seat while two women followed him.

“Hi, Thor,” Steve greeted, glad that Thor was safe. He looked around, trying to see if there was anyone that seemed to follow Thor, even checking outside to see anyone suspicious. He didn’t see last night’s agent and wondered if S.H.I.E.L.D had called off the agent. He saw Dr. Selvig ordering for all of them, seemingly already sober.

“He knows your name?” Dr. Foster asked Thor, surprised. She took a seat beside Thor while the other girl, someone who Steve didn’t know the name of, took a seat beside Steve.

“He knows everything, it’s okay,” Thor said, grinning. Dr. Foster just looked puzzled.

“Hi, going to have lunch?” Steve asked, trying to make a small talk. He wasn’t ready to talk to people at all. He didn’t even expect to talk to other people today, didn’t expect to meet Thor again.

“Wow, you are eating almost as much as Thor,” the girl beside him commented, looking at Steve’s breakfast, and then at him, “Who are you?”

“He is Steve, my new friend,” Thor introduced him and once again Steve felt flattered to be called a friend. A friend—that word never felt so flattering before. He had no friends now—he doubted he could call Director Fury a friend, so to have one felt amazing.

“Hi, I am Steve Rogers,” Steve introduced himself and right away, he wanted to slap himself for saying his full, very real, name. He had a fake name and a fake id that S.H.I.E.L.D provided, and yet he was still too used to introduce himself like this. He was becoming sloppy in hiding his identity.

The girl scoffed, “Dude, you are named after Captain America?”

Dr. Foster rolled her eyes at her, but extend her hand to Steve and finally introduced herself, “Hello, we met yesterday, I am Jane Foster, and this is Darcy Lewis, my intern.”

Thor was frowning and wondering out loud, “Who is Captain America?”

“A hero, his name sounded cheesy, but he was pretty cool. He fought Nazis—bad people—during World War II and saved a lot of lives. He was practically every American’s hero, I knew a lot of people who worship him,” Lewis explained, Steve wanted to squirm in his seat and seriously hoped that they wouldn’t talk about Captain America. But then Lewis asked again, “Seriously, you are named after Captain America?”

“Yeah, seemed like my parents thought it was a good name for me,” Steve lied, part of him wanted to say _I am Captain America._ Maybe he should have said that and then brushed it as a joke—well, that was a lost opportunity.

“He sounded like a great warrior, I would like to meet him,” Thor said. He must have really loved meeting another soldiers or warrior.

“Yeah, might have to search for him in the ocean,” Lewis said, shrugging.

“Huh.”

“He sacrificed himself by diverting a plane full of bombs to the ocean,” it was Dr. Foster’s turn to explain, while Steve kept tight-lipped because he felt so uncomfortable about this topic, “People said he might be alive somewhere, but I am sure he died.”

“Oh, that was unfortunate.”

Thor looked sad to hear that, seemingly genuinely sorry for Steve—no, for Captain America. He sagged in his seat, thinking about something. Steve wondered what he was suddenly thinking about. Dr. Selvig approached them while dragging a seat because all the seats in Steve’s were taken. He took a look at Steve and repeated the question,  “Hey, who is this?”

He didn’t remember Steve from last night. Steve was not sure if that was a bad or a good thing.

“Thor’s friend, apparently, Steve Rogers.”

“Oooh, Captain America,” Dr. Selvig said right away. He squinted at Steve and “You even look like him, it’s kind of uncanny.”

“You remember how Captain America looks like?” Lewis looked at Dr. Selvig incredulously.

“Well, I grew up being forced to watch everything available about him, so of course I remember him,” Dr. Selvig explained, before looking at Steve again, “Are you a relative of his?”

“No, but people did say the resemblance is uncanny,” Steve answered, forcing a small laugh. It was one of his worries, he knew there were photos and videos of him circulating. People might think they recognized him, though he already prepared his answer for those kinds of questions. He should prepare a cover-up story in case he slipped up like this again.

“I am sure Steve was as great as this Captain America,” Thor said, feeling proud on behalf of Steve, “He won a war, too.”

Steve wanted to groan because Thor was not helping at all.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I was a soldier,” Steve said. He was good at making a carefully crafted out lie but equally bad at lying on the spot.

“Wow, that’s taking appropriating Captain America to another level,” Lewis commented, while Dr. Foster seemed to keep silent about this. Maybe it was not really a topic she could talk about.

“Doesn’t have much a choice,” Steve shrugged, unsure of what to say.

He felt so grateful when Dr. Foster finally diverted the topic by asking, “So, how did you meet Thor? I knew you were going to help him to the desert yesterday.”

“He helped me acquiring a mug to replace the one I smashed yesterday,” Thor answered the question, winking at Steve for no reason at all. That seemed to be news for Dr. Foster because she looked surprised but happy to hear that.

“That’s nice of you.”

Steve was not sure whether she talked to him or Thor, but he assumed she talked to Thor.

 “You always eat here? I saw you yesterday, here,” Steve asked. He was actually curious how Dr. Foster met Thor, but he wondered if he could ask. He didn’t even know how Thor ended up here at all other than the fact that he was banished. It was good he was sent here instead of New York, maybe. This place was less to take in than New York.

“Not always, but lots of times. All of us are too busy to cook our own food,” Lewis answered.

“I am busy, you’re not,” Dr. Foster argued.

“Hey, I am busy helping you, not my fault you never realize it when I am helping you,” Lewis retorted, scowling at Dr. Foster. Steve didn’t know why, but it was nice to hear them bickering. Maybe he was really deprived of human interactions.

“So, Rogers, do you live here?” Dr. Selvig asked, he still looked at Steve suspiciously.

“Ah, no, I am travelling, I am just stopping by here to rest,” Steve answered, feeling glad he could be honest for once. He never liked lying even though he did lie a lot of times.

“Oh, thank god, I almost thought you are another crazy head, only mad scientists chose to live here.”

Dr. Foster yelled out a “Hey!” at that.

“Where did you serve?” Selvig asked again and Steve felt like he was being interviewed. Steve felt uncomfortable again. He thought the conversation had stopped from being about him.

“It’s…a secret, actually, I can’t tell anyone about it.”

Steve avoided answering that in case Dr. Selvig asked more questions. He knew about the wars that happened after he crashed. He was disappointed that wars still happened even after he died, disappointed that the country had become the aggressor. He had to stop catching up with history several times after becoming too agitated.

“Are you in an elite team or something like that?” Dr. Foster chimed in.

Steve was not sure if there was such a team in the military now, but he vaguely answered, “Something like that.”

“Wow, cool,” Lewis commented, who took a glance at Thor and continued, “Though doesn’t beat being a god, I guess.”

Thor shook his head, “I think I am not really a god now, not anymore,”

“Oh, cheer up, Big Guy, I am sure it’s temporary,” Lewis tried to assure him, standing up to pat Thor on both soldiers. She seemed like a good friend to have, despite her tendency to be curt.

“Hopefully, but I will try to adapt living here.”

At least Thor had the spirit to adapt. Steve just realized if only he could disclose his story, they can try to cope together. For a second, he wondered if he did that, would any of these people believe him? They seemed to believe Thor, finally. But then he brushed off that thought. He was going away, anyway. His acquittance with them will be temporary and there was no use in telling them his story.

“Hey Steve, come over to our place tonight, we are going to have the barbeque,” invited Lewis, who smiled hopefully at him.

Dr. Foster frowned at that, “When did we decide that?”

“Just now, a little party to cheer us up.”

Thor smiled widely hearing the world, there was a glint in his eyes when he repeated excitedly, “A party?”

Steve thought upon seeing Thor like that, everyone in the table agreed to do what Lewis said. They didn’t argue about the party and instead talked about science.

***

There were several things Steve learned while he was having a barbeque with Dr. Foster, Dr. Selvig, Lewis, and Thor. First, he finally learned about how they all met and how Thor got tasered by Lewis. He laughed out loud at that because he couldn’t get over the irony that a God of Thunder got defeated by a taser. He felt bad for laughing at Thor’s misery, but he had a hard time trying to hold back his laugh. Second, he learned that Thor had learned about him in a way—he learned about Captain America and other heroes and talked about how the Howling Commandos reminded him of his own friends. Steve had to try hard to keep a straight face again when they talked about it again.

The third thing he learned was that Dr. Foster and Lewis really wanted him to call them Jane and Darcy, so he tried to call them by their first names. He was uncomfortable for no reason for doing that, though they pointed out he called Thor ‘Thor’ just fine, which he had only realized then. The last thing he learned was that Thor and Jane were in love with each other. They didn’t say it out loud, but Steve could see from the way they acted and looked at each other.

“They are so sickening, aren’t they?” Darcy asked, sitting down on the chair beside of Steve. Steve was looking at Thor and Jane who were still grilling meat while Steve was pretty knocked out from eating too many meats. He bought and brought additional meats so he could contribute something, but they ended up with too many.

“I think they look beautiful together,” Steve said. He meant it, it was nice to see them smiling bashfully at each other as if they had no worry. He did feel a little jealous because he wanted to feel something like that again, but mostly he was happy for them, especially Thor.

“So, you have a girl, Steve?” Darcy wondered. He turned to look at Darcy, thought about the answer and then shook his head.

No, Peggy was not his girl.

“No, not really.”

“Not really?” Darcy repeated, “A guy then?”

Steve laughed. At least, in this era, loving another guy was not so frowned upon, even if it was not as widely accepted as he wanted it to. It was a little better, at least. He still remembered when he had to warn a fairy bar in his neighbourhood for an upcoming raid, and how some people got exiled for being there.

“No, I have no one.”

It was sad, how true that statement was.

“Really? That’s weird.”

Steve had no idea what that was supposed to mean, so he just said,  “Thank you for inviting me, this is nice.”

“Yeah, I think we all need a break,” Darcy slumped in her seat, “I definitely need one, all those sciences and theories are sucking my life force.”

Steve wanted to say that it was probably her own fault choosing that internship but he kept his mouth shut because they didn’t know each other well enough for Steve to be joking around now. He also felt sleepy, the lack of sleep from the last week wearing him out and being full made him feel sluggish. Was it possible to be drunk of meat?

“I think I am going to go back to the hotel, I am kind of tired,” Steve told her, getting up from his chair, afraid that he would fall asleep there. Darcy just nodded and raised her beer at him, seemingly drunk on meat herself.

Steve walked towards Jane and Thor, patting Thor’s arm and told them, “Hey, I think I am going to go back, thank you for the barbeque.”

“No, thank you for the meat, we didn’t expect to have this much,” Jane said, smiling brightly at him. She seemed to be not thinking of her lost works anymore, at least for now. Steve wondered if he could retrieve Jane’s works from S.H.I.E.L.D. It was really unfair for them to just take them away.

“No problem.”

“Let me escort you,” Thor offered, putting the last grilled meat to a plate and cleaned himself up.

“Oh no, you don’t need to,” Steve refused, waving his hands around sluggishly.

“It’s the least I can do after you help me so much.”

What did Steve do that made Thor felt indebted to him? He barely did anything to help Thor, the things he did was the bare minimum. He felt uncomfortable at how Thor looked like he needed to do something for him, so he agreed, “Alright, I guess.”

Thor smiled and said goodbye to Jane before they started to walk together. Turned out the hotel he stayed in was not that far from the place Jane stayed at. He didn’t need to take his motorcycle to go there. They walked in silence for several minutes, before Thor asked him, “How long will you be here, Steve?”

“I am not sure,” Steve answered, “Maybe until tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, depends on my mood.”

He hadn’t planned how long he would stay here. He thought if he managed to get a good rest tonight, he could go tomorrow. But for some reasons, he hesitated about that. He just met new people, people that could be his friends if he wanted to.

“When you continue your journey, we won’t be seeing each other again, then?” Thor wondered, looking at him. He didn’t know Thor was already thinking about that.

“Maybe.”

“Is there no way I can send a message to you?”

“Why, you think you are going to miss me?” Steve teased, though he would feel happy that someone would miss him.

“I will,” Thor answered seriously even though Steve was only joking, it almost put Steve off his track, “It’s nice meeting you.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Steve said, softened. Thor was really great to be around with, Steve was cheered up when he was around today, “Are you going to stay with Dr. Foster here?”

“If she allows me to.”

“I think she wouldn’t mind,” Steve said, which earned him a raise of Thor’s eyebrow, questioning. He smiled at him and said, “I saw the way she looks at you and the way you look at her.”

Steve didn’t think it was possible for Thor to look so bashful. But he did, and it made Steve wanted to tease him more, just to see more the side of Thor he hadn’t seen.

“You’re certainly quite perceptive.”

“It’s good you have someone here,” Steve said. It was good that there was another person who could help him to adjust. Steve would help more if he could, but he was almost as lost as Thor was. Speaking of that, he wondered, “Are you okay?”

“I will be, but I still wish I can see my mother, even for the last time.”

Steve could relate to that. There were some nights when he really missed his mother, that she was here with her. She always managed to comfort him no matter how bad the situation was. She died long before he was frozen, but being awakened again seemed to refresh his longing. Being unable to see his mother was really unfair for Thor, though, seeing that she was still alive. Thor could still have a chance to see her again.

They arrived at Steve’s hotel and stopped walking in front of the building. That was when Steve finally told Thor, “Guess what, even after I am gone, you can talk to me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, please wait.”

Steve went in and went to the receptionist to ask for a piece of paper and a pen. He wrote his number on the paper quickly, thanked the receptionist in charge, and then went out again. Thor was waiting for him as told.

“This is my phone number,” Steve handed the paper to Thor, who accepted it and frowned when he saw the number, “You can show Jane this and ask her how to contact me.”

“That’s wonderful,” Thor’s eyes shone looking at the paper and Steve thought maybe this attempt at trying to connect with other people could be worth it.

“You should go. Jane is waiting.”

 Thor pulled him into a tight hug that almost made Steve flailed. Thor let go of him after several seconds and took a step back, waving his hand at Steve while saying, “See you tomorrow, Steve.”

“Okay.”

Steve watched Thor went away before he went to his room. He took a shower and lied down on his bed, hoping that he could get a good sleep that night, hoping that his mind wouldn’t wander and his nightmares wouldn’t visit him for at least one day. But before he closed his eyes for too long, his phone rang and he had to get up to answer it. It was not Fury, but an unknown number. He picked it up because he knew there was only one possibility of who it was, and he was proven right when he heard the voice.

“Steve! It’s I, Thor!”

Steve smiled and answered. He ended up talking to Thor and Jane for a while, about if he would like to eat with them again tomorrow, and several other things. When the call ended, he finally had another person’s number other than Nick Fury. He slept quite well that night.

***

When Steve went out of his hotel for the first time on the next day, the city was in chaos.

It confused him at first, but then he turned his head and saw that there was a big metallic monster walking in the city, sprouting fire at the road. He acted right away, yelling to everyone still inside the hotel to go out and ran away from there. He opened the door wide and let other people ran outside, directing them in a direction far away from the city. He then went inside and knocked on every door, yelling that the city was being attacked and that they all should run. Some people went out and Steve directed them to an alternative door, away from the monster. He had to kick some doors open to make sure no one was left behind.

After he was sure, he went out to the hotel and saw that the monster was closing in. He looked around, trying to see if there were people stuck and unable to go. He took a big trash can lid as a replacement of his shield, in case there was anyone needed to be protected. He walked around, trying to hide from whatever that thing was, making sure no one was still there. He found a woman and her daughter hiding behind a counter in a store, looking terrified.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, and the woman answered by nodding. Steve extended his hand to help them up, “Let’s go soon, you need to get to safety. I will protect you.”

The woman didn’t question him, probably too terrified to do anything. Steve made them hide behind him and the trash can lid. They went out while Steve peeked from behind the trash can lid. The thing was now more into the city, already passing the store they came out from. He saw several weirdly dressed people fighting it and he took that chance to take the woman to the direction all people ran away to earlier. He saw that there was an evacuation several yards into the desert.

“You two go there, I am going to try finding more people,” he told them while pointing to that direction. They ran there and Steve watched them go, making sure that there was no harm came to their way. He ran into the city again after they were far away, wondering if there was anything he could do to stop the thing. What was that, anyway? A robot? A robot that could contain a fire and breathed it? He felt like that time he saw Red Skull peeled his face off—like he was in a dream.

He saw a glimpse of Thor and the others close to the thing and felt a panic rising, worried for them. Why weren’t they running away? They were in danger.

“Thor!” He yelled out loudly. He ran there and got close just in time for the thing to shoot fire anywhere, causing things to explode. Steve felt himself got thrown by the blast into the road, followed by a car thrown to his direction. He heard Thor yelling out his name but unable to answer. He put his ‘shield’ up but still ended up getting almost pinned by the car. He prevented the car from pinning him completely by pushing against it. He was lucky that it was a small car and he still could handle the weight. He groaned loudly as he kept pushing and tried to throw it aside. It took a while, but he did it.

When he stood up he saw Thor watching him.

“Steve, are you okay?” Thor asked, helping him up. Steve’s body hurt—it had been a long time since had to do some heavy lifting and he hadn’t trained his body yet. Thor seemed bewildered to see him threw the car aside, probably wondering if normal humans could do that.

“Yes, do you know what that thing was?” Steve wondered.

“Yes, it’s called The Destroyer. It was coming after me. My father created it to protect Asgard, it was enchanted and made to be indestructible.”

 _What a fitting name._ Why was it coming after Thor if it was designed to protect? How was they supposed to beat an enchanted indestructible thing? Steve had to come up with a plan, quickly. The weirdly dressed people who were fighting it still did it futilely, even after getting stabbed repeatedly, it recovered and lighted up again. It could move parts of his body and he wondered if they could stop it movements by damaging its joints.

“You should get everyone to safety,” Steve said, pointing to Jane and the others far away, looking horrified and frozen.

“I was going to until I saw you, I need to get you to safety, too.”

“I—” Steve was going to retort, but he saw the thing turned his head towards them in a sudden and shot fire towards them. Steve pushed Thor, covering Thor with his body. He could feel the fire grazed his back, burning him. He cried out loud, feeling so much pain. He was pinning Thor to the ground covering him in case the things still shot fire. It seemed the others managed to distract it again but several seconds later, the thing shot fire anywhere. He could hear things exploding again, could hear and even felt windows shattering around them. Steve shut his eyes, suddenly thinking.

_Not again. The Valkyrie is exploding again. I am going to die._

“Steve! Steve!” he heard Thor yelling, but Steve was lost in pain, his mind drifted off to another place. He didn’t felt Thor pushing him away or Thor slapping his face to bring him back. He didn’t felt Thor dragging him to the side. It was only when Thor slapped him really hard that he woke up again, looking around him confusedly before remembering again where he was and what was happening.

“You are gravely injured, can you move?”

Steve was still in pain, he almost couldn’t think at all. Only his back got burned, so he thought he could still move. But he would move slowly.

“You should—you should bring the others to safety as soon as possible, I will go after you, but you shouldn’t wait for me.”

“But you are injured,” Thor said, frowning. He could see some blood on Thor’s hand and shirt, made him wondered these were his or Thor’s. He could see that Thor was concerned about him and he hated that.

“I will be okay, I am tougher than most humans,” he wanted to say he was an enhanced soldier who was made to endure all of this, but that seemed too complicated to explain for now, “Please Thor, go, I will get myself to safety.”

The longer he was there, the longer he was endangered. Thor thought for a second and seemed like he finally came up with a plan. He stood up, determined.

“I have a plan, are you sure you can bring yourself to safety?”

“Yes, go,” Steve said, gritting through his teeth as his back muscle strained when he tried to get up. Thor nodded and even though he hesitated, he walked away from Steve. Steve felt relieved for that, as Thor ran towards his friends—at least, Steve assumed that those people were Thor’s friends—he finally dragged himself towards them. He was not sure what Thor’s plan was, but he knew the thing, so perhaps he knew its weakness.

As he walked, the pain lessened even though not by much. He was sweating profusely as he walked. Maybe instead of travelling, he should have trained his body more, he should have trained his mind to not travel to another place and time. He saw Thor’s friends retreating along with the other humans, but he frowned when Thor didn’t come with them. Instead, he and the monster walked towards each other, Thor talking to it about something Steve couldn’t hear. He yelled when the monster suddenly hit Thor hard.

“No!”

Thor flew backwards and didn’t get up. Steve fell, unable to comprehend what was happening. He didn’t expect Thor’s plan to involve sacrificing himself. It seemed to work; the monster turned its back and started to walk away, not even glancing at Steve. Jane ran towards Thor and cradled him in her arms. Thor was not dead, was he? He was a god, he shouldn’t die so easily. Jane was crying and Steve felt defeated. He should have done something to prevent this.

Something hit the monster suddenly, something that was flying towards Thor. Thor caught it and there was a light that almost blinded Steve. When he opened his eyes again, Thor was standing again, now in a different attire. Steve smiled—Thor was not dead. He was holding the hammer in his hand, and Steve heard thunders. Thor got his powers back.

Steve took a step back and closed his ears when the thunders got louder, a storm was forming around the monster and Thor charged at it. Steve looked up but unable to see anything, other than flashes of lightning and the storm, so he chose to sit down, continued closing his ears, and told him a sentence repeatedly.

_I am in New Mexico, not anywhere else. This is 2011, not the forties. I am in New Mexico, not anywhere else. This is 2011, not the forties. I am in New Mexico, not anywhere else. This is 2011, not the forties. I am in New Mexico, not anywhere else. This is 2011, not the forties—_

“Steve, let me help you.”

Steve looked up, seeing Thor in his full glory, offering his hand. He had no idea how long Thor was in the storm, lost in his attempt to make his mind stayed at the moment. He took Thor’s hand and slowly; they walked towards Jane. Thor was helping him walk even though he didn’t need that. His back still felt like it was still burning, but he was just glad that the monster was not moving anymore and people were safe.

“So, this is your true form, huh?” Steve asked while they walked, “Look pretty good.”

Thor chuckled, “You have seen nothing, my friend.”

They finally arrived. Jane looked at him and flinched even though she didn’t see his back.

“Steve, are you okay?”

“I think I just got barbequed,” Steve joked, even though it fell flat. He frowned when several cars came to them and stopped. Several people came out and Steve could recognize Coulson among them. For a second, they looked at each other and Coulson kept a straight face upon recognizing him.

“Excuse me,” Coulson said, turning his attention to Thor, “Donald? I don’t think you’ve been completely honest with me.”

Thor took a step towards Coulson and said, “Know this, Son of Coul. You and I, we fight for the same cause, the protection of this world. From this day forward, you can count me as your ally if you helped my injured friend and return the items you have taken from Jane.”

“Stolen,” Jane corrected.

“Borrowed,” Coulson said, “Of course, you can have your equipment back. You’re gonna need it to continue your research.”

Everyone seemed satisfied with that, including Steve. It looked like Thor didn’t need his help to fix his problems. Steve felt happy for him, though he still wondered what was happening. Thor had no time to explain everything, though. He turned to Jane and asked,  “Would you like to see the bridge we spoke of?”

Jane smiled, “Sure.”

Thor pulled Jane close and suddenly they were gone. Coulson yelled, “Wait, I need to debrief you!”

Steve looked at Coulson incredulously, “Did you just try to debrief a God?”

Coulson didn’t answer, but he turned his head towards Steve and said, “I think you and I need to talk.”

.

.

.

.

.

Steve turned his head, looking at his healed back on the mirror. It was as smooth as it was before he got burned, there was no sign it had gone through a third-degree burn. He was back in New York, in S.H.I.E.L.D’s medical ward, a doctor who was in charge to check his condition already left him alone after declaring that he was healthy. It had been more than a week since he left New Mexico, barely remembering anything after meeting Coulson when he finally felt the full weight of the burn and was delirious with pain.

He put on his shirt again, looking up, wondering if Thor was safe. He had been texting Darcy, who told him about Loki and what happened. He was still worried, but there was no way he could know how Thor was. Jane was still trying to find the bridge that apparently connected Asgard and earth, but he didn’t have enough knowledge to understand her work.

He was itching to do something, but he barely knew anything about his realm now. During his recovering time, he mulled over the fact that another civilization existed. It might not be just one another planet that had a civilization, but dozens. When he was younger, he would be so enamoured by this. But now, when he had seen what that fact could be bringing to this world, he was a little scared.

What if the earth got attacked again? What if it was bigger, and they were not ready at all? He had decided that he shouldn’t be so useless just like New Mexico. He should be able to do more.

He heard the door opened and Fury showed up, looking as grim as usual. He wondered if he had nothing else to do other than checking up on Steve. Fury’s presence had been almost constant after New Mexico.

“I heard your back had healed completely,” Fury said, “What are you going to do now? Are you going to travel again?”

“No,” Steve denied, resolute, “I think I need to fix myself.”

.

.

.

.

.

“Can you see her?”

Heimdall laughed and answered, “Yes.”

“How is she?”

“She searches for you.”

Thor smiled. He couldn’t deny the joy he felt at knowing Jane felt that strongly for him, that she was looking for him. Jane was one of the blessings he had gotten during his banishment.

“How about him?”

Heimdall didn’t answer, taking a pause and looked at Thor. It made Thor worried he was unable to give a definitive answer as he did for Jane. Steve was injured because of him when he left earth and that was all Thor had left for him. He wondered if Steve hadn’t recovered, or if there was something wrong with him.

Heimdall looked contemplative, before finally answering Thor’s question by another question, “My Lord, shall I tell you a tale of a Midgardian who was frozen in time?”

 

**To be Continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, I didn't expect this chapter to be this long! Thank you for those who left reviews and kudos, those made me happy!
> 
> One of my complaints about Thor 1 is that Thor's stay in earth seemed too short (I checked the timeline and it was only two days?) but as I wrote I realized that I have no idea how to lengthen it much lol. The action scene with The Destroyer felt too short, so please just assume it went longer in this one even though most of it happened in the background haha.


	3. still a child, a child who hasn’t grown up yet, still dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Thor got reunited by an alien invasion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those who left comments, sorry that I didn't have the time to reply before posting this chapter!

The world was spinning.

Steve wasn’t sure if it was because he had a hard time sleeping lately or because he was just finished fighting off hoards of aliens and stopping an alien invasion. Maybe it was a mixture of both. Steve tried hard to keep his head from falling first into the table, tried hard not to fall asleep right there and then. He couldn’t even entertain the thought of eating the shawarma Stark had ordered for them all, feeling like he would throw up if he tried to eat. Instead, he kept ordering coffee and ended up with several cups of it in front of him.

The aliens just had to attack when he was on his down days, when the nightmares were frequent. It was just…a lot of anniversaries happened in the last two months. Bucky’s death, his own ‘death’, and just several days ago was one year after he got thawed. It was a lot for him to handle even though he tried to. Maybe if he was not so down, if he had enough sleep, he would act better. He didn’t think he did badly in leading the others, though his fighting could definitely improve, but the one thing he really should have been better was at treating his teammates.

He regretted being so harsh on Stark, saying things he wouldn’t say on other occasions. He knew the tesseract affected his mind, he should have handled himself better. He really should apologize to Stark later, when he had more energy. And Thor—Steve was watching Thor ever since they sat down, watching Thor eating the shawarma with gusto. He must be hungry and Steve had pushed his uneaten Shawarma towards him without him realizing because he already had several plates of it.

Steve was not surprised when Thor showed up, knowing his relationship with Loki. On the forest, at first, Thor didn’t seem to recognize him. But after everyone calmed down, Thor finally recognized him and smiled a little at him, not even surprised to know who Steve actually was. Steve didn’t even have the time to question that, they were too occupied. They ended up accidentally ignoring each other most of the time. Steve wished they talked more because he did miss Thor a lot, despite only knowing him for several days. There are times when he was lonely, he accidentally though of Thor along with his old friends.

“Why aren’t you eating, Steve?” Dr. Banner asked. It took a while for Steve to realize that he was asking him—everyone had called him Captain, even Thor, for the last few days. Dr. Banner was the only one who called him by his name, so he was a little startled.

He smiled at the doctor and answered, “I am not really hungry.”

Dr. Banner didn’t seem to believe him, but he himself was too tired to question Steve’s answer. Thor frowned and looked at Steve’s empty cups and then to the shawarmas in front of himself, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he slowly pushed one plate towards Steve—the plate that Steve discreetly moved towards Thor earlier. Steve looked at Thor and raised his eyebrow, Thor made his face stern and continued to push the plate. Steve slowly shook his head, and pushed the plate back, causing Thor to push the plate harder, almost knocking the empty cups.

The others either didn’t realize what they were doing or were too out of it to notice.

After several times back and forth, Steve finally surrendered and took the plate. Thor still looked at him, as if expecting him to eat the shawarma right away. Steve sighed, and for the first time finally touched it. He sniffed at it and when he didn’t feel nauseous, he dared himself to take a bite.

***

Thor really tried not to look at the devastation in the city down there, but it was hard not to. He needed to do that, anyway, to remind himself of his failure of protecting Midgard, to remind himself that he had a part in this destruction. He couldn’t even feel happy that Loki turned out to be alive, knowing what his brother did. He thought there was something he could do to prevent Loki trying to devastate Midgard for the second time. He didn’t know what, but he thought there was something. He loved Loki, still thought of him as a brother, perhaps he should have paid more attention to him. He regretted being so oblivious, he wasn’t so oblivious, perhaps Loki wouldn’t hate him. Perhaps Midgardians wouldn’t have gotten involved in their affair.

He sighed—he had too many regrets, now. He was devastated.

He had to force himself to turn away and came back to S.H.I.E.L.D’s place, planning to clean himself from the battle filth. The agents guided him to a cleaning room that had been secured for him and his fellow warriors. Once he entered, he wasn’t sure what to do because it was a big room with a lot of wardrobes. It was quite different from Asgard, though he could smell water and soaps. Once he was inside, there was only one other person there and Thor could recognize him right away. He was half-naked and looked fresh from a bath.

“Captain?” Thor called out, though Steven wasn’t responding. He was looking at the mirror, at the ugly bruise on his body. He didn’t look like he was fully there though, his mind seemed to be traveling somewhere. Thor noticed how exhausted he was earlier, and he almost didn’t eat anything if not for Thor’s intervention. Even after they took Loki to lock him up, he still insisted to volunteer in the city. It was only after Director Fury forced him to come back that he gave up.

Steven Rogers was a nobleman, but one without self-preservation, which was dangerous. Thor experienced it himself when he saved him from getting burned by a fire from the Destroyer. At least, now that he could see Steven’s back, Thor knew that the burn had healed completely. Heimdall and the internet said that Captain was different from other Midgardians. He was stronger and healed much faster—Heimdall said that he was almost like a demigod. During his time on Midgard, Thor had learned a little about Captain America, respected him for his caveats. He didn’t expect that turned out he had been talking to the man himself. After knowing what he went through, it finally made sense for Thor how grieved he looked when he talked about his life.

“Captain,” he called out again, walking closer to Steven. Steven didn’t respond, so Thor tapped him on his shoulder.

In one swift move, Steven caught his hand and Thor let out a yelp when he was suddenly flipped to the floor, with the Captain on top of him, pinning him. Steven’s raised his hand and this time Thor was prepared enough to catch his hand, yelling, “Captain, this is Thor!”

Steven looked at him, eyes widen as he recognized Thor. He scurried back, letting Thor go. In an instant, he looked ashamed at what he did to Thor, “Oh, I’m—I’m sorry!”

“I am sorry for surprising you,” Thor said, sitting up, “I called but you were not responding.”

Truthfully, Thor was impressed that Steven managed to do that, even when Thor was not prepared at all. It was not an easy caveat to do, it was different hearing about how strong Captain America could be to experiencing it firsthand. On top of his leadership today, Thor thought that he had started to admire the Captain.

“It’s okay,” Steven said, grimacing, “I am just…really tired. Today is a really tiring day.”

That was understandable. Even Thor felt quite tired, though he felt more tired emotionally than physically. He studied Steven and saw the various cuts that were healing. Now that he could see Steven clearer, the bruise on his body looked uglier. There was a wound in the middle of it, dark and healing. Thor remembered that Steven was hit by a Chitauri weapon. Normal Midgardians would break and die if they were hit.

“Captain, you are hurt,” Thor pointed out, even though Steven probably already knew. He was staring at that before, after all.

“Oh, it’s already healing, I have cleaned it up, I just needed to bandage it,” Steven said, dismissive. He cocked his head and wondered out loud, “Why are you calling me Captain now?”

“It’s your righteous title, is it not?” Thor wondered. He wanted to show his respect, so it was the right way, wasn’t it? He hoped he did it right because he was still unfamiliar with the Midgardian culture. He asked again, “Are you sure you don’t need a healer?”

“Well, yeah, but you don’t need to call me that, you can call me by my name, you know?” Steven said. He didn’t say it, but it seemed that he wished that he was called by his name instead of his title. He remembered that Steven looked surprised but pleased when the Hulk called him by his name. Steven looked down to check his wound and then shrugged, “I heal quickly. There are more people in need of the medics.”

That was true. There were lots of people hurt—and it was Thor’s fault.

“Steven, then,” Thor decided, “Do you mind if I call you that?”

He liked the name ever since he found out Steven’s full name. It sounded grander than ‘Steven’, more fitting for a warrior like him. He was afraid that Steven would be angry when he said the name, but Steven looked pleased. Even more pleased than when the Hulk called him.

“I…don’t mind,” Steven said, seemingly surprised by himself, he added, a little somberly, “It has been a long time since someone calls me that. Well, actually, my mother was the only one who called me by my full name.”

“It’s a beautiful name. Fitting, for you.”

Steven smiled, a little bashful. Thor thought that it was a good look for him. It was much better than his tired or grieving face and suddenly he found himself wanting to make Steven smile more.

“You didn’t seem surprised to see me,” Steven said, changing the conversation. It was a little awkward, the both of them sitting on a floor. But there was no one else, so they were quite comfortable talking to each other. Thor didn’t have a chance to talk to Steven one on one before this, he was glad that he found a chance now.

“I knew about you,” Thor told him, “I didn’t know back then when I was with you. There was a man in Asgard—Heimdall, he can see and know everything no matter how far it was, he told me about you.”

Heimdall went through a whole story of Steven’s life just to tell him, that no, Steven was not really doing well. Though after making Thor felt concerned, Heimdall also said that Steven was incredibly strong so he would be able to prosper despite the tragedies in his life. Thor hoped that Heimdall was right.

Thor expected Steven to have a question about that, but he only said, “I see.”

Thor wondered if he should be concerned at how easily accepting Steven was of everything. But perhaps waking up after 70 years of sleep—which Thor found out to be a really long time for Midgardians—made him unfazed by everything.

“You are the greatest warrior I have ever heard of,” Thor said, it was something that he had been wanting to say.

But Steven just laughed hearing that, “No, I am not, you saw me today.”

For a hero, he seemed to be unable to accept compliments.

“You did well today, leading all of us. It was not an easy task,” Thor said. Even he couldn’t be sure if he would be able to handle Iron Man or The Hulk. And yet, Steven managed to do it.

“I wasn’t at my best behavior, I wish I did better.”

Thor wanted to argue, but his body started to ache from sitting on the floor. He tried to stand up and flinched when the muscle Loki stabbed strained. It was not painful, but it was enough to surprise him. Unfortunately, Steven saw the flinch and saw it when his hand moved on its own to his stab wound.

“You are hurt,” Steven said, following his suit by standing up. He himself flinched when he stood up, so it made their situation a little funny.

“It’s mere stab wound,” Thor said. He wondered if Loki would grow out of this habit someday…considering how much he hated Thor, that didn’t seem possible.

“A stab wound?” Steven repeated, horrified, “That’s dangerous, you should go to medical.”

Thor laughed, why did it seem like they were taking turns being concerned for each other?

“Nay, Loki stabbed me often. This was just a scratch for me, it will heal soon. I just need to clean up.”

Steven still looked unconvinced. He ordered, “Take off your clothes. I need to see it.”

“That sounds quite suggestive,” Thor said, joking. He did start to take off his clothes since he was going to take a bath anyway.

“You are a pervert,” Steven said, rolling his eyes. After Thor was done taking his top off, he took Thor’s hand to a bench and again, ordered, “Sit down here.”

Thor obeyed, feeling amused. Steven walked away and took a towel, making it wet with water, and then came back to Thor. He kneeled in front of Thor and started to wash the wound slowly as if he was afraid to hurt Thor. Thor wondered if he should be offended that Steven might think that he was a weakling, but instead, he felt pleased with Steven’s attention.

“Oh, it has stopped bleeding, at least,” Steven said, looking at the clean wound. It was closing up and soon it would heal completely.

“As I say, I only need to clean it.”

“If you say so,” Steven shrugged, finally satisfied, “Go shower, then.”

Thor laughed.

***

“How was Asgard, anyway? I didn’t hear anything about you after you were gone, until now.”

Thor smiled a little. He was not sure if Steven was truly curious or if he was searching for something to talk about. Either way, Thor was grateful that he had someone with him here, someone who could talk to him. Steven had ended up following him to watch over Loki, who was put in a room and restrained. He had asked to be let go to the streets to help again, and the agents refused to let him go which frustrated him. Thor watched the entire thing with amusement, slowly getting familiar with how stubborn the man could be. Thor would love to help amend the broken buildings and streets, too, but he thought he should watch over Loki in case he tried to do bad things again.

Steven followed him even though the one thing he really should do was resting. Thor could see that Steven was sleepy, and yet he refused to cave in.

“We were still rebuilding the bridge that connected our worlds, I had to find other means to come here,” Thor told him, “I had to destroy the bridge so no beasts could approach Midgard, it seems that I still failed to protect Midgard.”

Steven, who was sitting next Thor in the exact same position as he was before in the Shawarma place, shook his head. He changed his position, his hand moved to squeeze Thor’s shoulder as he said, “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s my brother’s, I know, but I think I have a part of it,” Thor tried to explain, though he wondered if he did that clearly. His thoughts and feelings are a mess, he felt betrayal, sadness, and regrets all at once. He looked at Loki in the room they were watching, restrained and so still, eyes empty and mouth covered, “I have been an ignorant and it caused him great misery. I didn’t know he was jealous, didn’t know that he hated me.”

“It’s his choice to do all of this,” Steven said, looking at Loki as well. Thor tried to decipher what kind of look he was giving—it was hard to do, but Thor concluded that it was probably abhorrence. Thor couldn’t blame him for that. Steven continued, “Not yours. It’s his responsibility to control himself, you can’t control how far his hatred takes him.”

Thor nodded. He was still very much conflicted and Steven might not understand this at all, but he appreciated what Steven was trying to do.

“I swear I will protect Midgard as well as I can,” Thor said, determined to atone for his sins.

“Well, I will, too, maybe we can protect it together,” Steven proposed, sounding like a man who found a purpose again. That sounded swell, for Thor. Thor found that he liked fighting alongside Steven and they fought together really well. Along with their fellow warrior, they would make an unstoppable team.

“How about you? How are you adapting to this world?” Thor asked, having enough talking about him and Loki.

“I am doing well, I think,” Steven said, hesitating, though he started to talk more, “The world is a better place than it was, so I am glad to discover a lot of things. Thanks to you, I have some people to talk to. I talk to Darcy and Jane sometimes—oh yeah, do you want to call Jane? You can use my phone—wait, where is my phone? I will get it, I think I left it in the lockers.”

Steven stood up and Thor had to catch his hand in a hurry to stop him from going away, “No, stay, I will contact her later,”

Steven frowned, “Are you sure?”

“I am sure,” Thor assured him, pulling Steven down to sit again, “How about you tell me more about Midgard? The good things about it?”

Steven contemplated for a while, before taking a breath and continued.

“Well, back in the day, it’s hard to have food, but in today’s world there is an abundance of it, there were so many kinds and we even have food from other countries sold in the city. I haven’t explored much, my tongue is still adjusting to various tastes, but once I get used to it I think I want to try lots of foods,” Steven said and Thor thought that this was the longest he had heard Steven speak, which was a nice change. Perhaps his exhausted state affected him like this, “There are a lot of cures found, I used to be ill a lot, you know, but even if my illnesses come back, I think I will manage with today’s medicines.”

Steven took a pause, but Thor didn’t say anything, knowing that Steven was digging things on his mind to say. Perhaps, this talk could be a good distraction for both of them—for Steven, to remember the good things about the word, for Thor, as a distraction for his misery.

“I like traveling to places I have never visited before, exploring unknown places, meeting new people. I want to travel to a lot of places, learn from other people,” Steven said, eyes looking like he was looking at a distance, “When I was younger, I used to wonder if there are other worlds out there, if there are people on other planets. I didn’t expect to live long enough to find out the answer. It’s both fascinating and scary.”

Was it scary because all that Asgard brought to Midgard was destructions? He wondered if Steven despised Asgard, now. “Do you find me scary?” Thor wondered, couldn’t stop himself from asking. He didn’t want to be someone people feared.

“No,” Steven answered right away, without any conflictions. Thor felt relieved hearing the answer, so managed to joke around.

“I think I should be insulted by that. I am a God, you know. Your people used to worship me.”

Steven let out a laugh and said, “And I have seen you trying to inhale several pounds of meat in one go.”

Well, that really didn’t end well for Thor. He had overestimated how much meat he could eat in one gulp. He ended up choked and Steven had to help him. That was a nice memory, even though he embarrassed himself in front of Jane.

“I think I can do that successfully now that I am back in my top shape, perhaps I shall come here again one day to prove it to you.”

“When the bridge is fixed?”

“Yes,” Thor said, though he was still curious and finally asked again, “But truly, you do not hate Asgard? Even though we had brought destructions to your realm?”

“Every place had bad people and good people, Midgard has its own evil people, I have seen them,” Steven explained, “I can’t hate a group of people just because a few of them are bad. I believe for one bad man, there will several good men who were willing to stand up and fight back.”

Thor thought about it a little and realized perhaps that was a lot of people’s mistakes. Their own judgment of other creatures caused one of Loki’s miseries.

“You are a good man.”

“You are, too, if you are not, you wouldn’t aid us,” Steven said, smiling at him. They looked at each for a while until Steven’s smile started to falter and he tore his gaze away from Thor, choosing to say instead, “It must be fun to explore the other planets, I wonder if I can go to space one day. It used to be only a dream, but now that I know it’s possible, I want to do it. I need to start saving some money.”

“Perhaps I can help you with that, someday,” Thor offered, though he was not sure how.

“Really? Hmm, tell me about Asgard. Or the places you have visited. Are they beautiful?”

“I found your realm to be more confusing than Asgard,” That was a given, but Thor really found out that a lot of things were really different to how it was in Asgard, “Though I have seen a more advanced and complex civilization than Midgard. I and the warrior three was put in prison in that one.”

Steven was shocked and let out a, “What?!”

Thor grinned and then told him of his tales with the warrior three and Lady Sif, he told a story about how they unknowingly breached a forbidden area to chase a dragon-like creature and ended up getting captured themselves, that time they fought against giants, and some other tales. Steven listened to him with full attention—at least, until his head started to drop and his eyes fluttered closed. Thor had to catch Steven’s head so he wouldn’t knock his head on the table. Even then, Steven didn’t move.

“Seems like you’re the one getting sleepy,” Thor chuckled, “Steven?”

Steven didn’t respond, had fallen asleep in the middle of listening to Thor’s tales. Slowly, Thor put Steven’s head on the table. After, he fetched his red cape that he brought along with his other armors here. He folded the cape into a small pillow, slowly and carefully raised Steven’s head again to slip the cape under his head so he would be able to sleep more comfortably.

Thor crossed his hand on the table and put his head there, facing Steven’s sleeping face.

He looked peaceful.

***

Steve felt much better the next morning. It turned out a night of sleep did well for him, despite he slept on a table and his position caused his neck to ache. Maybe it was because he was more used to sleep on a hard surface and felt more comfortable doing that—he didn’t as many nightmares haunted him as usual. He should try sleeping on the floor more.

When he woke up he felt embarrassed that he fell asleep while listening to Thor, though Thor was understanding about it. He was planning to keep Thor company while avoiding falling asleep, but he had failed. Still, he felt quite good, much better than before. He had the energy to move around, so soon after he woke up he went to shower, got dressed, fetched his phone, and then brought breakfast for himself and Thor. He was glad that he brought his clothes here because apparently, the road to his apartment was still a mess.

He was back on S.H.I.E.L.D’s interrogations room, finishing his food. Thor told him that he would bring Loki back to Asgard today, so it meant he had to say goodbye again to Thor soon.

“Do you want to call Jane?” Steve offered after they were done with their foods. He stood up and take his charged phone. He hadn’t been holding his phone since he landed in the helicarrier, it was only now that he realized that he had a dozen calls from Jane and Darcy.

“Should I? It has been a long time…”

Steve looked at Thor funnily, wondering why he was hesitating. It felt out of character, Steve thought that Thor would be excited to hear Jane’s voice again. After all, their progressing relationship was cut short and they still had a chance to amend it, unlike Steve’s own cut short relationship.

“I think you should,” Steve said, “I think she misses you. And I don’t have many experiences in relationships, but I heard communication is a key.”

Yes, along with reading books on history, he read books on relationships and people too just in case there was something new he had to learn. Better be safe than sorry, he didn’t want his natural awkwardness got increased by a lack of knowledge.

Thor shook his head and stared at Steve, something that he seemed to be doing a lot since yesterday, “I find that hard to believe.”

“No, really, she misses you,” Steve insisted. He really wondered why Thor hesitated.

“No, I find it hard to believe that you don’t have many experiences,” Thor corrected him.

Steve almost dropped his phone, not expecting that. That’s not the point of what he was saying, but he struggled to find a response to that, so he just said, “Well, I am not that attractive, you know.”

Thor looked like he definitely didn’t believe Steve at all.

“You don’t know your own value, it seems. I find you very attractive, my friend, you will make a fine partner.”

Steve faked a cough, feeling an itch in his chest suddenly. Was it normal in Asgard to compliment a friend like that? Or was it just him who found that weird? He didn’t think someone would say something like that unless he was flirting, but he didn’t think Thor was flirting with him at all.

“No—you are distracting me,” Steve started to say, but suddenly realized that Thor was probably trying to distract him, “Are you afraid to call her?”

Thor scowled, offended, “No, I am not a coward.”

Steve didn’t even call him a coward, so he snorted and said, “Then just call her. Here, I am calling her.”

He clicked the call button and put it on speaker, waiting for Jane to pick up the phone. Thor looked nervous, he was fidgeting. They waited but after a while, it went to voice-mail so Steve ended up leaving a voice message instead and ended the call. He sighed, “Well, that’s anticlimactic.”

“It’s okay,” Thor said, sounding relieved, “Perhaps she is busy.”

“I sent her a message, I hope she will call back before you go,” Steve said, he looked at Thor and wondered, “But you will visit, right? when you are able to do so?”

Truth to be told, Steve was not ready to let Thor go again. He was the only one Steve could confidently call a friend—he was going to miss him again. He found himself to be at ease when he was with Thor and if only they could spend more time together, Steve thought they could have an easy camaraderie.

“I think I will, if you ever need my help, you can call out for Heimdall, he will hear you and I will try my best to come here.”

“Hopefully, there will be nothing that urgent,” Steve said, he really wished any aliens that were planning to visit Earth would be friendly and non-malicious ones—like Thor. Steve looked at the mirror, where Loki was now glaring in their direction though Steve was sure that he couldn’t see them from the other side. He really wished he could see the brother Thor loved, but all he could see was a selfish and hateful one, “I am sorry, about Loki, but I really hope you know that this is not your fault.”

It pained Steve to see Thor blaming himself when he shouldn’t have to. It was all Loki’s choice to do this—Peggy had said that Steve needed to learn to accept other people’s choices, to respect them. He tried to reiterate what Peggy said, though it was unfortunate he couldn’t say that they should respect Loki’s choices when they were bad choices. He was not very good at being comforting, Peggy was much better at this.

“Thank you.”

“What will happen to him?” Steve asked, just to make sure that Loki wouldn’t be able to wreak another havoc.

“He is going to be caged, put in a prison where he can’t use his power,” Thor sadly said, “I really wish it doesn’t have to come down to this.”

Thor looked so sad, Steve felt a sudden urge to hug him.

So, he did. He wrapped his arms around Thor’s body and felt Thor stiffen, before finally relaxing again and hug him back. Thor pulled him tighter and Steve’s face got half buried in Thor’s shoulder blade. It made him remember their short hug before, but this one lasted much longer. Thor didn’t let go of him, seemingly taking in as much comfort as he could. He patted Thor’s back, unsure of what to do. Steve was not used to this, a gesture that felt a little too intimate. But he let Thor be in charge on when to let go because he needed it. Steve couldn’t deny that the hug gave him comfort, too.

Thor didn’t let go until Steve’s phone rang, making them let go of each other.

“Oh, it’s Jane,” He said, answering the phone and then handing him to Thor right away, “Here.”

Thor fumbled to take the phone but once he did, Steve decided to leave the room to give him privacy. He was not sure if he should be there. He waited right outside, watching the agents moving around, taking care of so many things. He really should start helping soon at least in the city, but he waited because Fury wanted to talk to him first and needed him to be here, for whatever reason.

He waited for a while before entering the room again. Thor was already sitting again, Steve’s phone on the table. He took it and checked—they had a shorter call than Steve expected. He sat down and asked, “So…?”

“She was going to come here,” Thor told her with a sad smile, “I told her she didn’t need to and I am going away again. She is disappointed.”

“Well, I can imagine this is very frustrating for her, it’s the closest you will ever be to each other.”

So close, yet so far. Steve thought that it was quite tragic. He just remembered that Jane was in Norway now, so if they did call her last night, she would have been sleeping, so it was good that they decided to call now.

“Take care of yourself, Steven,” Thor suddenly said, out of nowhere. Steve just laughed. It seemed like it should be Thor who had to be reminded to take care of himself.

“I take care of myself well,” Steve retorted. He did take care of himself better than he used to be, “I think I will have some works soon.”

“Dangerous works?”

“I am not so sure,” Steve said and then took a look at his watch, realizing only now that he should go to Director Fury’s office soon, “I have to talk to Director Fury, I will see you again later?”

Well, that would be when Thor took off with Loki and the tesseract.

Thor nodded.

“Take care.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will pay to hear Chris Hemsworth saying 'Steven'. It sounds really good in my head. If anyone want to talk say hi to me on [tumblr!](http://shieldstorm.tumblr.com/)


	4. you fall as rain that are like prison bars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the super late update, I have been busy with job interviews and my mental state is not really good rn, but here is the new chapter! I also updated the summary to a more fitting one :D

Steve stared at the house in front of him and then at the phone he was holding, checking the map once again, making sure that he was at the right place. Once he was sure, he finally walked towards the door and ring the bell. As he waited, he felt nervous. It had been a long time since they meet and Steve was excited to meet him again, though he wished it was under better circumstances. 

It took a while before the door was opened by a red-eyed Thor, looking like he hadn’t slept for several days. Steve was a little taken aback by how weary Thor looked, but he forced himself to smile.

“Hey, want to eat with me? I will pay.”

***

Steve realized that it was a bad idea for his wallet to offer to pay everything considering how much both of them can eat, but he didn’t really regret it. He did almost cry seeing the bill, but seeing that Thor looked happier, his mourning was cut short.

They now sat on a bench in the park near the restaurant they chose, feeling full. Steve felt tired—he just finished a mission less than 60 hours ago before he went to London. Even with the serum, he still felt tired. But if he didn’t go, he would feel worried and bothered. As soon as he could get a hold of the phone he used daily, he was welcomed by a ton of messages. Apparently, a lot of things happened during his weeks-long mission—Jane being brought to Asgard, Thor’s mother's death, London almost getting leveled, Loki’s death, and Thor choosing to stay on Earth to guard it.

In summary: Jane and Thor went through a lot of things.

One of the messages from Jane asked him if he could come to London for Thor so Thor would have a friend while she was away on a one-week conference and helped him deal with what happened. Apparently, Darcy was busy with school and Thor really didn’t know anyone else. She even offered to pay for the flight. Steve felt bad he was two days late reading the message, though he ended up agreeing to go to London, anyway. He ended up having a short phone call with Jane, with her telling him about how Thor acted like he was fine for the sake of everyone thought it was obvious that he was still grieving. He felt burdened though when Jane asked him to comfort Thor and helped him cope since he had a lot of experience with loss. 

Considering that his way of dealing with his own grief was by not talking about it, it was like the blind leading the blind.

“I think I have been here before, during the war,” Steve said, after they sat in silence for a while, “London has changed, too.”

He had a fantastic memory, but in the rush of war sometimes he couldn’t really remember which places he had visited.

“A lot of things really changed during your sleep, did not they?” Thor wondered, playing the umbrella he brought, stabbing the ground repeatedly with it, “I think Midgard evolve much quicker than other realms now.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, and they were silent once again.

Steve didn’t really know what to say. He was afraid that his awkward self would say something wrong, yet at the same time, he wanted to offer words that could comfort Thor. Despite knowing Thor for some time now, Thor still felt larger than him—larger, livelier in the way that made Steve felt like his messy self was not worthy enough to be the one who tried to be a friend to Thor. But Steve could recognize the sadness that Thor tried hard to hide in front of him and perhaps it was not the time to dwell about himself.

Steve sighed and finally tried to talk.

“It was hard when my mother died, but I managed to go through because I had Bucky. And when Bucky died—” Steve accidentally choked, so he took a breath and reminded himself that it was 67 years ago, not two years ago. He swallowed his grief and continued, “When Bucky died, Peggy tried to help me cope.”

Thor looked at him, surprise clear on his face. He must have thought this came out randomly and—yeah, Steve was bad at him.

“What I am trying to say is, if you need a friend, I am here,” Steve said, finally to the point, “It’s okay to mourn openly, you know. It’s not a sign of weakness.”

Steve felt like a hypocrite saying that.

Thor didn’t answer, seemingly thinking about something. After a while, he smiled sadly and asked, “Where are you staying, Steven?”

“A hotel. I think it’s not really far from here.” 

“Can I stay with you?”

***

Steve was going to kill Natasha.

He wiped the tears had wetted his cheeks, feeling silly for crying because of children’s movies. Thor was not in a much better shape than he was though. He was sobbing more openly than Steve and hadn’t stopped choking on his tears, Steve felt worried for him. The movies Natasha gave him was supposed to be uplifting—but she didn’t mention that they could also be very sad. They both bawled when the movie became about family—Thor because he just lost some of his family, Steve, because he missed having a family, no matter how small it was.

Because they were both masochists, they still continued watching another movie and then cried again. At least the movies gave Thor a reason to weep openly. Even though now Steve was pretty sure that the sheet of his hotel bed was pretty wet, he didn’t mind. 

They were both laying on their stomachs, huddled together to watch the movies on the small screen of Steve’s laptop.

“I am sorry,” Steve said, once they were finished with another movie, “I thought these are for kids.”

Thor rubbed his eyes, trying to erase the remnant of his tears.

“I enjoyed them greatly,” he said, his voice was hoarse, deeper than usual, “Though perhaps we should do some searching first before we indulge ourselves in the movies.”

They really just played whatever Natasha put on the hard drive, without researching anything. At least Natasha was not the kind who would put porn in there…right? To be honest, Steve still wasn’t sure if he knew Natasha all that well, though he had worked with her a lot and she tried to help him adjust by suggesting a few things. Natasha just had too many masks Steve needed to unmask.

“Yeah, this is Natasha’s fault,” Steve said, wanting to insist that it was not his fault at all they ended up like this. He sat up and stretched, feeling stiff. 

Thor followed suit and moved to take his phone on the counter, checking it for new messages, probably. Not long after that, Thor turned to him and asked, “My Jane asked what we were doing, should we tell her?”

“Sure?” Steve answered. Why not? He saw no reasons why they shouldn’t tell Jane. 

Well, maybe they can omit the parts where they cried like babies, and just included the parts where they watched movies. But then Thor took a selfie, even including Steve who was sitting on the bed behind him, so Steve frowned and wondered, “Why are you taking a photo?”

“I find the ability to take an instant painting fascinating,” Thor explained while typing, “I have been trying to learn the art of this.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty great,” Steve concurred. He wished it was this easy to take photos in his time, because then he would have more photos of his mother, who he had started to miss again. He watched Thor sending a message and suddenly realized something, which he voiced out loud right away, “…don’t tell Stark that you can use a phone.”

Thor put his phone down and joined Steve on the bed again, asking, “Why?”

Steve shrugged, “No reason, just don’t tell him.”

“You are puzzling.

“He expected us to be a bumbling idiot when it comes to technology, I play along with him,” he finally explained, finding it no use to hide it. He had only met Stark for a few times, and it seemed that Stark wouldn’t stop thinking he had no idea how this century worked. Sometimes he wondered if it would be worse for Thor, who was not from earth at all.

“You have no problem of him thinking you are not smart?”

Steve was used to people underestimating him, though ididn’t mean he liked it.

“Well, I do have a problem with that,” Steve said, but then grinned, “But I really enjoyed making him frustrated by asking stupid questions.”

“I believe you are what Darcy call ‘a troll’,” Thor laughed—his laughed sounded like a lullaby that brightened up the night, “I won’t tell him. Maybe one day I will be able to see his frustrated face you enjoy so much.”

“Oh, I would pay to see you frustrate him,” Steve said. He had a feeling that Thor would be great at that. Thor grinned at that, but turned his head towards the laptop.

“Shall we watch another movie?” he asked.

Steve shook his head.

“Actually, I think I am gonna take a shower,” Steve said, feeling icky since he hadn’t had a shower since he arrived earlier this morning, “Feel free to use my laptop, though.”

“Ah, I should take one, too,” Thor said, looking weirdly thoughtful about that, “After you.”

Steve nodded.

When he came back from the shower though, he found Thor asleep on the bed and nothing played on the laptop. He must have felt exhausted. Steve didn’t have the heart to wake him up, so he just took the laptop and sat on the floor, working on paper works until he finally felt sleepy and slept on the floor even though the bed was big enough for him and Thor. He knew if he tried to sleep on the bed, his sleepiness might get chased away and he would lie awake for hours.

It puzzled him though when the next morning he ended up being on the bed, without remembering how he got there. He looked to his side and saw Thor sleeping right beside him, in a different position than last night. It suddenly occurred to him that Thor might be the one who had managed to move him without waking him up at all.

He had to take a cold shower to stop himself from blushing too much. 

***

Steve ended up spending the rest of his stay in Thor and Jane’s house. He didn’t even think about staying there though he only booked the hotel room for one night; he was planning to change into a cheaper hotel, but they offered so he really ended up accompanying Thor there. They didn’t even go out much other than to eat, they mostly stayed in the house and watched Star Trek so Steve could cross out one more thing on his notebook. They enjoyed the series though sometimes, Thor criticized it for not being accurate.

Steve wondered if he was doing good by taking Thor’s mind off things, if he was doing more harm than good. He paid more attention to Thor, trying to gauge his emotional state. He looked better than when he met him two days ago and at least even if they were both lacking nights of sleep; it was not because of nightmares or grief, only because of movies.

Jane came back on an afternoon on the third day Steve’s stay, bringing a bunch of souvenirs and luggage. He watched Thor greeted Jane happily, feeling like a third wheel when they kissed, which was a familiar feeling. After that, Thor offered to take care of all Jane’s stuff, leaving him with Jane sitting down together on a sofa in the living room.

“Thank you for looking after him,” Jane said, hugging him tightly. He patted her back lightly before pulling away.

“It’s not a problem, I am sorry I was late,” He said, “How about you? Are you okay?”

He knew how Thor was doing, but he was not sure about Jane. The things she went through was not easy, too. He was worried about both of them.

“Well, I am surprisingly doing okay, I guess,” Jane shrugged, dismissing the concern, which made Steve frowned. She tried to explain, “I have been learning and researching about space for a long time, but the things I have seen still managed to surprise me.”

“At least Thor is here now, right?” he said, because he knew how much effort Jane put into trying to make it possible for Thor to come back here again. She was really disappointed when they couldn’t even meet after the battle of New York.

“Yeah, it’s great, but I can’t help but feeling he will go away again, someday, after all this is not his home.”

He wondered about that, too. Thor did say he wanted to say to protect Earth, but didn’t he still have duties? He was still a prince, after all. He wondered if Jane and Thor would be able to settle down, someday.

“Having a relationship with an alien is hard, yeah?” Steve asked.

Jane punched him lightly, “You make it sound weird.”

“How?” Steve laughed. He was not wrong, Thor was an alien.

“Are you talking about me?” Thor’s voice suddenly interrupted them. He shook his head and chided them, “That’s not nice.”

“No, we are not,” Steve denied uselessly. Thor took a seat in between him and Jane, making the sofa felt very crowded. They only managed to squeeze themselves there because Jane had a tiny frame.

“So, Steve, when are you going back?” Jane asked.

“Tonight.”

Jane had to bend so she could glare at Steve, “That’s so fast, you have only been here for like 3 days.”

“Well, I have works to come back to,” he shrugged. He didn’t have any mission incoming, at least one he was aware of. But he needed to be near and on standby in case there were emergency missions.

Thor hummed at that and suddenly wondered, “Should I find a work to do?”

“Hmm, you can,” Steve said, “What are you good at?”

Thor frowned and answered, “Fighting?”

“Hm, martial arts? I have been learning a lot of new fighting techniques. Maybe you can learn one.”

“Really? Can you show me?”

That was how several hours before his flight, he ended up teaching Thor some new fighting moves he had learned, while Jane watched them sparred together.

***

Steve was dazed.

He stared at the distance, wondering if he just fucked up.

He really shouldn’t have sex with someone who he had only met a few days ago, someone who shouldn’t be dragged into his life. Sam Wilson was too good for him and Steve felt guilty. Steve was interested when he saw Sam on his morning joggings and somehow managed to finally interact with the man—through lots of teasing. Talking to Sam was really nice and they had an easy chemistry. He even ended up visiting the VA Sam worked at and went out on a date with him.

And now there they were. At Sam’s house, after spending a night together.

“Hey, are you okay?” Sam asked, approaching him at the window, “That’s a guilty face. You regret last night?”

“Oh, no, not at all,” Steve denied. He didn’t regret it because it was great. He felt guilty, though. He had been lonely lately, and he felt like he had used Sam to decrease that loneliness.

“You have someone you like?” Sam asked, making Steve felt flustered. He was not sure of the answer to that question.

“Huh, what?”

“Well, if you feel guilty, I figure it’s because you already have someone or because you like someone else so you feel like you betray them,” Sam said, leaning on the wall and crossing his arms, “And I don’t think Captain America will cheat, so the second one is more probable.”

Steve tilted his head and looked down, trying to think of a possible lie.

“Well, I may be in an open relationship.”

Sam raised his eyebrow. They only knew each other for several days, but Sam seemed to be able to read him easily, “You are not.”

“Well, it’s not both,” Steve confessed, “I just—you are my first in this century.”

“Oh,” Sam said, genuinely surprised about that, “Well, you know that this doesn’t have to develop into something more, right? I understand if you don’t feel ready for any kind of relationship.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. Of course, he knew one-night stands existed, but it felt wrong to do that with someone as amazing as Sam. But he did not think he was ready to be in a relationship.

“Don’t feel like you used me,” Sam said, once again reading his mind, “If you do, then I used you, too.”

He flinched. He was honestly unsure of how he felt right now, it was a mess. He sighed and decided that he should get out of Sam’s hair soon. He shouldn’t share his baggage too much.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Sam. I think I should go.”

“But I was going cook breakfast,” Sam protested. He was wearing an apron and Steve felt bad, but he hadn’t started cooking yet so he still refused.

“It’s okay, I don’t need breakfast.”

That was a lie. He needed breakfast, but not here. Not now. He needed to sort out himself, first.

Sam sighed, “You will stop by the VA again, right?”

Steve thought about it, wondering if he should or not, but for now, he just said, “Yeah, I think I will.”

Sam smiled brightly, a smile that Steve returned. Maybe if Steve managed to sort out his feelings about this and relationships in general, they could have a chance. Maybe they could be something more. But then several days later, he found out that Hydra was still alive and ended up dragging Sam to his fight, endangering the man’s life. It was then when it hit him that he would always endanger everyone he loved, even if it was not on purpose. He ended up crushing any will he want about having a relationship.

***

Steve had a hard time trying to wake up. His head felt fuzzy and his eyelids felt so heavy. Whenever consciousness started to approach him, it was chased away not long after. He had been awake but not for long. He still could feel the pain of his wounds—wounds inflicted by the Winter Soldier. By Bucky. Even in his haze, his mind kept replaying his counters with Bucky. And there were times when those scenes almost pulled it out of his sleep.

Like now.

“He seems to be sleeping a lot,” he heard someone said in a hushed voice, someone who sounded like Thor. He didn’t think Thor was really there, though, he was probably Steve’s imagination. There was no reason for Thor to be there.

“Yeah, he probably feels real tired. The adrenaline rush had ended, you know?” He heard Sam said, “He went through a lot these past few days.”

And then he drifted off again, not hearing anything again. It took a few hours before he finally started to wake up again, though he still felt groggy. He opened his eyes slowly, trying to adjust to the light that felt blinding. He turned his head, expecting to find Sam still sitting on his right, but instead who he saw was someone else.

“Thor?” he asked, frowning, wondering if he was hallucinating, “Are you real?”

Thor chuckled at that question but he held Steve’s hand to show that he was real, that he was really there—it made Steve wondered if he had asked the same question before. Thor assured him, “Yes, I am here, I am sorry for being late.”

“When did you arrive?” Steve wondered. He slept too much, he wondered why he felt so tired. He was a super soldier, he usually recovered fast, and he had been injured before, but he never felt this tired. How long was he out? Thor came here quite quickly and Steve kind of wanted to kiss Thor for that.

“Yesterday,” Thor answered, not letting Steve’s hand go, “Lady Romanoff and your friend told us what happened.”

“I see,” Steve muttered. He looked ahead, trying to keep his eyes open. He wondered if Sam had gone home. He hadn’t thanked him for his help.

“You did a good job,” Thor said, bringing him out of his reverie. He bit his lips, and sighed, “Though I failed to see why you had to sacrifice yourself.”

“I had to make Bucky remember,” Steve explained, now choking again at the memory of Bucky, at the knowledge at how Bucky ended up as The Winter Soldier, it was all his fault, “I had to save him.”

He must have looked miserable, more than he thought, because the next thing Thor did was letting his hand go and stroke his hair, “Rest, my friend, you are pained.”

Steve tried to take a deep breath even though it was painful when his muscles contracted, his glassy eyes looked at Thor again, hand reaching out to hold Thor’s hand again. Thor took his hand and Steve could only said, “Thank you for coming,”

“I regret that I didn’t manage to come sooner,” Thor said, “I found out about this through the television.”

“It’s okay. Sam and Nat went home?”

“Yes, I figured they need to rest too, both of them are injured, though not as gravely as you are,” Thor explained and then told him, “I promised them I will watch out for you.”

Steve felt relieved hearing that. Sam hadn’t gone home and Nat had so many things to take care of, and yet they still went here to accompany him.

“Good, they were stubborn.”

“What are you going to do, now?” Thor wondered, this time not letting Steve’s hand go. Steve barely registered that they were still holding hands, he could only focus on a few things—mostly just his thoughts. His damn thoughts.

“I am not sure,” Steve muttered, “I just destroyed my employers and lost my job, I need some time to think.”

“You have a lot of time.”

That was all Steve had—time. At least that was one thing he had an abundance of.

“It truly feels like I died for nothing,” Steve said, though he closed his eyes, trying to think positive thoughts, “But I guess there are things I gained, too.”

“Your Bucky?”

Maybe. He needed to find Bucky first and saved him before he could say that he got Bucky back. But at least, now he knew that he was alive, that he could remember everything again. Bucky saved him instead of letting him die, there was a hope. The thought of saving Bucky gave him more energy, now.

“Yeah, I have new friends, too.”

“Sam Wilson?” Thor asked. He wondered how much Sam and Thor had talked to each other, he vaguely remembered hearing them talk to each other.

Steve smiled, “Natasha, too, I guess.”

At least, Steve would like to think that they were friends now, even if it was one-sided. Natasha, as always, was a complicated puzzle that Steve was still trying to put together.

“Am I your friend?” Thor asked and Steve gave him a look because the answer was obvious. He would like to think that he was halfway done to complete the Thor puzzle.

“You have been since a long time ago.”

Thor grinned happily, “I am happy to hear that.”

Steve’s eyes started to close again.


	5. %%

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are really close with Lady Romanoff.”
> 
> “Hmm?” Steven looked up from his phone to look at Thor, shrugging while saying, “Yeah, I guess so.”
> 
> “How about you and Wilson?”
> 
> “Me and Sam?” Steven repeated, confused tone seeping in his voice.
> 
> “Are you dating?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am so sorry for the delay in the update. Life has been stressing me out a lot and well...this chapter is fully written from Thor's POV and I still haven't found it easy to write him. So all of these ended up resulting in a shorter and probably messier chapter than the previous ones. I hope you still can enjoy this :3

Thor found himself observing the captain more often after what happened in Washington. He still regretted that he was unable to help him during the fiasco, being thousands of miles away. When he found out that Steven had been hurt gravely, he couldn’t help but panic, though for unknown reasons. Jane helped him fly to the city right away to observe the damage and to check on their friend—he was so relieved when Steven turned out to be stable, not on the verge of dying despite his injuries. He knew that Steven was stronger than most humans, healed at a much faster pace, and it would take a lot to kill him. Still, Thor felt so scared of losing Steven—he was a precious friend and comrade and Thor didn’t want to lose him.

It didn’t surprise him when after Steven was healed, he went on a journey to find his friend. Thor had to go back to London right after Steven was released, so he only found out that Steven was gone when he couldn’t call him at all and had to resort to calling one of Lady Romanoff’s numbers. Apparently, Steven’s phone was damaged and he had a new number—though Romanoff wouldn’t tell him the new number.

Thor found himself thinking of Steven often, still worried about him. What he heard about what happened in D.C., how bad it was, he was wondering how he could help fix what happened and whether Steven was dealing with everything well or not. When he finally got a call from Stark asking if he would like to go to New York to help to deal with the remains of Hydra with the other Avengers, he agreed with no hesitations because he was itching to help. Not to mention, there were artifacts related to Asgard lost, stolen by Hydra.

And now there he was, at Stark’s tower, observing Steven and Romanoff talking to each other on the kitchen counter from the sofa in the living room, wondering what they were talking about since Thor couldn’t hear them. To Thor’s delight, Steven was actually dealing well with everything. In fact, he looked happier than he used to be. He talked to Romanoff often and they got along really well now, it seemed that Steven spent more time with Romanoff than with Thor. Sometimes Thor felt a tinge of something—a little jealousy that he didn’t want to admit because it was such a petty feeling. It was not only Romanoff but also Wilson. Sometimes he came and spent time with Steven, with or without Romanoff. A battle brought warriors closer to each other, indeed.

They stopped talking and Romanoff kissed Steven’s cheeks before going away, walking towards the elevator. Steven watched her go before turning towards the living room and grinned at Thor. He walked to sofa and then sat down beside Thor with a question, “Hi, what are you watching?”

It was only when Thor looked at the TV, he remembered that he was watching the television.

“It was a documentary on animals,” Thor said, “It was amazing, your realm really documented all kind of things.”

“Yeah, sometimes I watched youtube videos of Penguins. They are hilarious.”

“Penguins? I haven’t heard of such animals,” Thor frowned. He knew a lot of animals, but somehow he had no idea about this one. Steven took his phone out and pulled up youtube, typing in and then chose a video to show him. That was how they ended up almost spending one full hour watching clumsy penguin videos—these are certainly amusing, Thor thought—before he randomly said, “You are really close with Lady Romanoff.”

“Hmm?” Steven looked up from his phone to look at Thor, shrugging while saying, “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Are you courting her?” Thor asked bluntly because that was what he had been wondering since several days after he arrived here. Steven laughed out loud hearing that question, which sounded beautiful, if only it wasn’t a laugh that indicated that Steven found Thor’s serious question very silly.

“No,” Steven answered, still laughing. He calmed himself down a little before he explained, “We’re just friends. I think she’s interested in someone else.”

“Really? Who?” Thor perked up, excited to have a new gossip. Romanoff was a very hard person to read and Thor could only think of two possible candidates for her affection—Steven and Barton.

“Can’t tell you, she hasn’t even told me,” Steven said, being loyal, much to Thor’s disappointment, “I think I am right, though.”

Thor nodded, deciding that maybe that was really not his business. So, he continued asking about his wonderings.

“How about you and Wilson?”

“Me and Sam?” Steven repeated, confused tone seeping in his voice.

“Are you dating?”

He didn’t laugh which Thor took as a sign that there was something between the two of them, since Steven didn’t dismiss his question right away. Steven thought about the answer for a while before finally answering, “Hmm, it’s complicated.”

Thor studied Steven’s face, his expression turned sadder because of Thor’s question. Thor had seen that expression several times.

“You like him.”

It was not a question, but a statement. Thor could tell.

“Maybe,” Steven shrugged again, “We’re close friends, he helped me a lot—more than he should, really. But we can’t be more than this.”

Thor frowned. Was it possible that Wilson had rejected Steven? He couldn’t imagine that, though. Or was it because liking fellow men still not widely accepted as it was in Asgard?

(It’s one of the things he disliked about Midgard—how love was perceived to be so limited.)

“Why? He might like you, too.”

“I can’t give him happiness, all I have done is bringing danger to him, he deserves someone less messy than I am,” Steve explained. Thor felt more confused—Steven was not a mess and from the way he talked that the only reason that the relationship didn’t go through was that of Steven himself.

“Is that the only reason? Because I am sure if he loves you too, he wouldn’t mind that.”

Thor had met Sam Wilson—he was a wonderful man that stayed on Steven’s side ever since they met. Thor had talked to him a little when Steven was unconscious, and he liked him. He and Steven would make a wonderful couple.

Steve felt silent and then quietly said, “And I went through a test, apparently I age slower than other people.” He put down his phone on the table and then lean on the sofa, eyes staring at the wall, distant, “I am not sure if I want to outlive the people I love again.”

Ah, it was because of his tragedy then.

“Then, if that’s so, you won’t let yourself love someone else?” Thor wondered. It was no way to live, though. How could someone stop making themselves love someone else? That would only bring more pain and Steven didn’t need more pain, didn’t he?

“I am not sure, I guess I will just do what I am made to do,” Steven said, making Thor wondered what exactly Steven was made to do? Fighting? No person should live only to fight and to suffer. Steven seemed to realize something, eyes looking alive again as he looked at Thor and apologized, “Sorry, I am insensitive.”

It was Thor’s turn to be confused by what Steven said, “Why?”

“You and Jane…”

Oh. He got it now. He didn’t think Steven was being insensitive though. It was actually considerate of him to remember about him and Jane.

“Ah, yes, I never thought about that, all I knew was that I wanted to be with her,” Thor told him. He touched Steven’s shoulder and squeezed it, “Loss is inevitable, my friend.”

Steven just smiled, “Am I a coward?”

It seemed that Thor was not being as comforting as he would like to.

“No, you are not,” Thor denied. There was no way Steven was a coward, it was just his tragedy shaped his thoughts, “You are one of the strongest warriors I know, but I understand your stance.”

Thor was not lying—Steven had gone through a lot. Thor knew now how much it hurt to lose people he loved, he couldn’t imagine losing everything at once. Until now he still felt a lot of grief.

“Yeah, maybe I can be stronger later,” Steven said. He looked at the TV and suddenly perked up as if remembering something. His expression changed to excitement as he turned to Thor, “Hey, remember when we met at the forest? When you came to catch Loki?”

“When you hit my head with your shield?” Thor smiled, remembering the silly misunderstanding that happened.

“Oh yeah, sorry about that,” Steven said, though he didn’t look apologetic and instead grinned, “Remember when your hammer hit my shield?”

“Yes.”

Thor remembered that very clearly, he was actually glad that Steven’s shield managed to withstand his hammer, he would hate it if he accidentally hurt his friend. Back then, Thor failed to recognize Steven despite knowing about his identity. Despite knowing the name, he had never seen the shield or the uniform.

Steven grinned even wider, “Want to try it again?”

 

***

 

“Remind me when I agreed about this again?” Wilson asked from the passenger’s seat, while Steven was driving and Thor himself occupied the back seat. They are on the way to one of Stark’s houses to practice their ‘moves’—they had been trying to find out how much damage the collision between Mjolnir and Steven’s shield could cause, to find the difference between Barton’s ‘That is so fucking awesome’! and Stark’s ‘No no no god fuckin’ no, not in my tower!’

“When you are passed out drunk in my room?” Steven answered. He turned to Wilson to raised an eyebrow before focusing on the road again.

“Ugh, I am pretty sure being drunk should invalidate all the things I said,” Wilson complained again, though they all knew it wouldn’t result in anything since they had been on the road for quite long.

“A promise is a promise, my friend,” Thor chimed in, squeezing Wilson’s shoulder. They had started to get to know each other as Wilson had come to the Tower to visit Steven more often and sometimes they went out together to explore New York, sometimes with Romanoff in her various disguises.

(She had been trying to make them come up with better disguises than leather jackets and caps.)

“Are you scared?” Steven asked, his tone suggested that he found it really ridiculous that Wilson was scared.

“Hell yeah, I am playing baseball frisbee with a super soldier and a freaking god, accidents happen.”

Steven snorted, “Please, you put a rocket near your ass on the daily, I am sure you will be fine.”

Thor found himself enjoying how at ease Steven was when it was just the three of them. And there were times when Thor found his own heart beat faster when he saw Steven’s genuine smiles—smiles that were reserved for his close ones, which included Thor. He tried to ignore that, though.

“You are a much better choice than Iron Man,” Thor said, looking away from Steven’s face, “We don’t want Iron Man.”

To be honest, he was only saying that because Stark had banned them from practicing at the tower after one incident where they almost trashed his tower. Stark would love to join them on their fun, but he didn’t want it to happen in the tower, so he sent them to one of his properties to practice. Thor and Steven ended up conspiring to choose the days where Stark would be too busy to come along with them as a punishment for ruining their fun. Too bad Romanoff couldn't come with them as she had a business to do.

“He has a suit, I only have wings,” Sam said, though he did end up saying in mock defeat, “Alright.”

Their journey went quiet for a while before Steve spoke up again.

“You know I am glad we have time for ourselves, for now,” because their days were filled with hunting the remnants of Hydra and finding James Barnes, “We even get a beach for ourselves.”

“Because Stark didn’t want you two to trash his tower again.”

“If we do that more, will we able to go on a holiday again?” Thor wondered.

“That’s a pretty good idea…”

 

***

 

“Ready?” Sam started to count, yelling from above, flying with his wings, “One, two, three!”

The force of Mjolnir meeting the vibranium shield made the sand around them exploded as if it had been dropped by bombs. The sand flew everywhere and Thor had to close his eyes so they wouldn’t get into his eyes.

“Holy shit,” Wilson said once the sand storm calmed down.

Steven grimaced, “Too much power?”

Thor grinned.

“I think so.”

 

***

 

“Dude!” Wilson yelled the shield flew by his head.

Steven and he yelled back in unison, “Sorry!”

 

***

 

“He is coping well, don’t you think?” Sam—after their practices today, Thor thought they should be on first name basis—asked him when they were both alone in a living room that was too big for only the three of them. Steve was taking a long bath, probably taking time to clean all the sands in his hair, just like Thor. He was the last one to take a bath, letting Thor went first because so many grains of sand caught in his hair, and Sam second because Steven thought he was one second away from passing out.

Sam gave Steven a dirty look over that, but nevertheless, accepted the arrangement.

“He is unexpectedly dealing with everything well,” Thor agreed, both of them had a beer on their hands, “I believe you have a part in that.”

“I’m just doing what I should be doing,” Sam said, and Thor understood more now how Sam and Steven could get along so well, “He is a good man.”

They were both noble warriors who had gone through a lot.

“He is a good man, indeed.”

“I asked him once what made him happy,” Sam said, “He said he didn’t know.”

To be honest, Thor was not sure why Sam told him that, but he was honored to be trusted with that information. He was not surprised by that answer, however. Sadly, it seemed like an honest answer.

“Then let’s help him find one,” Thor said. He guessed that they were similar in this, they both wanted to watch over Steven and see him happy, “Though I believe that he has found some, now.”

Sam contemplated that for a while. What he thought didn’t come across his face—he was almost as good as Romanoff at masking his thoughts.

“I want to believe that,” Sam ended up saying, “He is very good at masking his pain.”

That had been true. But perhaps, because Thor watched over him too much, he could see the cracks in Steven’s façade.

“I found him a very poor liar. But he had his moments.”

Sam laughed at that.

“I am glad you and Natasha are there for him when I am too busy chasing cold leads,” Sam said. Thor wanted to argue that he barely did anything, that Steven was amazingly good at taking care of him, but Sam beat him, “You know what, I am exhausted. I am gonna hit the shack, now.”

He got up and put the beer bottle on the table. He turned to Thor and warned him, “Don’t tell Steve he was right.”

And then after that, Thor was left alone. Not for too long, though, because ten minutes later, Steven joined him. He smelled like soap. He took the bottle Sam left and saw that there were still liquid left there, so he just drank it. Thor looked straight at the television. It was playing something that Sam called a ‘telenovela’ earlier.

“Hey, have you talked to Jane lately? I haven’t talked to her or Darcy lately,” Steven suddenly asked after he emptied his battle.

“I haven’t.”

Steven looked surprised at the answer. Maybe, he thought that they were in contact every day—in a better condition, they would be. Unfortunately, there was some complication.

“Really? Why?”

“She was very busy,” Thor answered. It wasn’t a lie—after their ‘adventure’, Jane was even more determined to figure out the whole world, she had been busy with her researches. But, that was not the only reason. Thor hesitated to say, “And I think she didn’t like it that I decided to stay here for quite a while. She didn’t say it, though.”

They didn’t have an argument over that, but Thor could recognize how disappointed she was when he said he needed to be with his fellow Avengers.

“You know, you don’t have to stay here all the time,” Steve said, face twisted in concern, “We will call you if we need you.”

“I want to be ready in case there are more dangers lurking.”

“Still, you can visit her, you know.”

He could, Thor supposed. And yet, he hesitated. He was at loss about why he hesitated so much.

“I am at lost at what to do for her.”

“Don’t ask me, I am really not good with women,” Steve laughed, though he still tried to give some advice, “But maybe, you can give her gifts, take her out to dinner? You can ask Natasha if you don’t know what to give her.”

“That might be a good idea.”

Dinner would be good. They both loved dinners.

“I hope it works out, if you need a best man for your wedding, call me,” Steven said. He was already opening another bottle—his own now. They both could not get drunk, but they still liked drinking while talking. Thor planned to give a special gift for Steven when he found a fitting time to do so.

“A best man?” Thor was not sure what that meant and how a best man could be related to a wedding, but instead of asking for an explanation, he said, “I think it’s too soon to talk about a wedding, my friend.”

Steve just laughed, “Maybe it’s better to talk about it instead of being too late like me.”

Thor turned to check Steve’s expression. He expected sadness, but Steven just looked content about what he said. He must be happy because he changed the topic their conversation quickly, “Hey, when we go back to New York, would you like to visit a museum with me?”

“A museum?”

“Yeah, I have one I want to visit, I think you will find it interesting. It’s okay if you have other plans, though.”

“I don’t have many things to do, so, I accept your offer.”

“Nice.”

 

***

 

“Bucky?” Steven yelled out, trying so hard to run despite the obvious pain he felt, despite the limping, “Bucky!”

Thor knew something was wrong when Steven was suddenly distracted during a fight with Hydra members, letting himself getting swept off his feet and hit. It didn’t take long for him to recover, but Thor could see that he was still disturbed by something. Steven was determined to finish the fight, though, so it was not until the fight had ended Thor knew what was distracting him.

Steven broke off from the others right away, which was very unlike him. He ran towards nowhere and Thor followed him. And now, Thor knew.

“Captain,” Thor said, catching Steven’s arm so he would stop running, “Are you okay?”

Steven looked around, still in a daze. Not a word of an answer came out of his mouth.

“Steven?”

“I swear he was there,” Steven said, looking at Thor. The look on his face was heartbreaking, it was a mix of confusion and sadness, childlike in a way that he was searching for both a validation and a confirmation, “I saw him.”

Thor couldn’t give him both.

“You are hurt,” He instead said.

“It will heal,” Steven said. His shoulder slumped for seconds. Thor could see that he was trying to collect himself. It disturbingly didn’t take long before he stood up straight again and said, in his Captain's voice, “Let’s go back.”

No, it turned out, Steven was not fully alright.

That was alright. Thor should have known it would be a work in progress. He was determined to be there for Steven, even if it was only for those genuine, beautiful smiles.


	6. it stings, like all of my heart will keep being caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve started to realize that his feeling for Thor was blooming into something else and decided to do something about it.

New York still felt like an unfamiliar place for him. It had been almost six years since he was thawed, five years for him to adjust to the new century. Perhaps he should be familiar with this New York, and yet he still felt like a stranger in a city that was supposed to be his origin. Perhaps that was his fault, after all a few months after he woke up, he ended up running away from the city to Washington D.C. All of that after locking himself up in his apartment and then deciding that he was going to accept the job at S.H.I.E.L.D.

Now though, S.H.I.E.L.D was gone, and he didn’t have any reason to stay in D.C. He went on a trip to find Bucky for several months without any result, and because both he and Sam were tired they decided to take a break. He came back to New York, even agreeing to stay in Stark’s Tower temporarily even though he was planning to buy his own apartment. He needed a place to run away in case the tower became too much for him.

Despite being there, he still didn’t go out other than to run in the parks. He had coped and accepted his situation, but he still didn’t want to explore too much. He still couldn’t stop comparing the 1940s version and 2010s version of the places he knew and that felt like a setback. He knew that he couldn’t keep being like that though, so asking Thor to go out with him was one of his steps to get over that. He had fun exploring London with Thor, so he figured it would be the same with New York. He found that focusing on Thor reacting to everything to be a good thing, a good distraction for the intrusive thoughts.

“I must say that one of the greatest things about Midgard is the various delicacies that are available,” Thor said. Steve chuckled because Thor was saying that while munching on a Kebab they bought. It was Steve’s first experience in eating Kebab too, and it was delicious. There were spices that were unfamiliar for his tongue, but it was tasty.

“I know, right? This is great, maybe we should try more foods later,” Steve agreed, finishing his own kebab. They only bought one each in case they didn’t like it, but now Steve craved more. He wished he had tried more foods before instead of playing it safe.

“I am curious about this dish called Sushi, Darcy told me about it, but when I searched for it on the google, they look so small,” Thor said after his last bite. They were sitting on a bench on the park, taking a break, after walking around mostly aimlessly.

“I have tried them. They are okay, I guess, but not a dish I will personally seek out,” Steve said, purposely leaving a part how Natasha made him try wasabi and ended up almost crying at the taste. That was not a story he would personally tell anyone. He smiled a little and stood up, looking at Thor, “Let’s go now, we should try to find more unique foods.”

“Yes,” Thor stood up and then they walked side by side, already deciding that they should go to the area where they bought their kebab, “We should spend more time to explore Midgard’s delicacies, I believe there are thousands more. We shall try them all!”

“I believe Indonesia alone has hundreds. New York doesn’t have all the world’s delicacies, though, so if you want to try them all, you have to go to other countries.”

If there was one other thing Steve and Thor had in common, it was that they loved eating. Growing up in an era where food was scarce, Steve appreciated that he could eat without too much worry now. Thor had always loved eating.

“That wouldn’t be a problem, no? We could fly there.”

“You can fly. I need flight tickets and a visa.”

Suddenly he wondered if it was legal for Thor to just fly to other countries. Would that be a problem in the future? How if Thor was required to have a passport? Steve was pretty sure that Thor didn’t even have an identification card.

“You can fly with me,” Thor declared with a shrug as if that was something easy.

“How?”

“I will hold you.”

“With one arm? I am going to fall.”

They ended up arguing whether it was possible for Thor to take Steve flying with him, with Thor insisting that he was strong enough to hold Steve while flying across countries. Steve didn’t doubt Thor’s strength, he knew that Thor was far stronger than he was, but he still had his doubts.

It was a nice day. He had no idea what to think about though when on their walk, Thor suddenly grabbed his hand and didn’t let go. He was even more surprised at himself for not letting go.

 

***

 

They spent days trying out a lot of food—experimenting which ones they like, which ones they couldn’t stand. And after that, they explored the museums—all kind of museums, though of course, Steve’s favorites were the art ones. He couldn’t help explaining the kind of paintings existed even though Thor was knowledgeable too, especially about the mythological statues. Apparently, the tale of Greek and Roman gods also existed on Asgard.

One of their trips to the museum ended up with Thor feeling curious about Steve’s sketches since he did mention that he did arts. So now there they were, sitting on a bench in a park, Steve’s notebook on Thor’s hand while the man examined the sketch one by one. To be honest, Steve felt like he was being judgedwith how much attention Thor paid to every detail. And he was quite embarrassed because there were sketches of Thor there, along with his other friends—he really hoped that he wouldn’t offend Thor by his sketches.

“These are quite beautiful, Steven,” Thor finally said, tracing one of the sketches with his finger. Steve took a peek and saw that Thor was looking at his own portrait.

“Thank you,” Steve said, trying hard not be bashful about it, “I have been out of practice.”

Thor smiled, still looking at the sketch, “I have always wished that I have an ounce of talent in Art, but alas, it was never one thing that I manage to master. I admired you for this.”

Steve’s heart beat a little faster at the praise—it felt nice to hear that.

“You are pretty good at singing,” Steve mentioned. That was true, one night Clint suddenly asked Thor about Asgardian songs so Thor just sang them, and turned out he was decent. That was a pretty memorable night.

“Thank you,” Thor said with a laugh, before closing the book and giving it back to Steve, “I really like the portraits you have of me. You have a lot of them.”

Busted.

“Yeah, you are…fascinating,” Steve tried to explain, “I like drawing you.”

Thor was very animated and Steve liked watching him and then trying to recapture the moments. It was good practice for his rusty skill, though there were a lot of sketches he ended up throwing out.

“Can you paint, too?” Thor wondered, leaning back on the head of the bench, watching people moving around, too busy to notice them, “All of these are by pencils and pens.”

“Yeah, I actually just started learning to paint,” Steve said. He did take lessons in his spare time before shit hit the fan in Washington and after that, he learned on his own.

“Then perhaps one day you can paint a portrait of me to be hung at the palace!” Thor exclaimed, sounding excited at the prospect of that while Steve widened his eyes hearing that.

“That’s—I don’t think my skill is good enough for that. Don’t you painters for that? I am sure theirs will be better than mine.”

He really was a beginner. A professional would be better for that—he was not good enough to paint a portrait of a prince to be hung at the palace. Thor hadn’t even seen his painting works. If he did a painting of portrait now, it would definitely not be good enough to be shown to anyone.

“But it will be much more meaningful from a friend,” Thor said, clapping Steve’s shoulder, “Don’t worry, I will reward you for the painting.”

“No, it’s not about rewards, I will be glad to do it for free,” Steve said, feeling a little panicked for no reason at all, “Just…”

“It doesn’t have to be today,” Thor said, perhaps realizing what made Steve refused.

“One day, maybe when I am confident enough?” Steve offered.

“Okay,” Thor agreed, pleased to hear that Steve at least was considering it, “Do you have more drawings? I want to see them.”

 

***

 

Steve opened his eyes and was not even surprised to see Thor sleeping by his side.

It seemed that lately, he really spent a lot of his nights with Thor. They didn’t even talk about meeting each other at nights, it seemed that they were drawn to each other every time they found themselves unable to fall asleep at night. Steve never seek Thor on purpose, but Thor always knocked on his door every time he couldn’t fall asleep or was awaken by a nightmare. Steve was always awake every time Thor came to him, whether it was because he was still awake or also woken up by his dreams.

Sometimes, they talked. Thor talked about his adventures, about Asgard, about his friends, about his family. Steve liked listening to his stories—they were like stories before bedtime and Steve even found himself wanting to be in one of Thor’s adventures. In turn, sometimes Steve talked about his past life, about his mother who he missed, about Bucky, about Peggy, about The Howling Commandos, everything. Thor listened to him even though he was now as good as Thor at storytelling.

Sometimes, they did nothing but just sitting or even lying down next to each other, feeling safe because of each other’s presence.

Most of the times, they ended up sleeping next to each other. Since they also spent the day going through Hydra bases together or just practicing and sparring, they almost spent all days always together. It was to the point that Steve felt guilty towards Jane because it truly felt like he was stealing Thor from her, even though he knew that Thor was here not solely for him. He even called Sam to discuss this—the man had become someone he talked to for almost anything, once their relationship settled. Nothing more than best friends—well, with some benefits. But, both him and Sam had agreed that they might not be able to be more. At least, not now.

Well, that was another issue. He had a new issue, now.

_“Well, it was not like you did anything else with him, right? I don’t see any harm with that. And I think it’s good for you both.”_

_“Good?”_

_“You have someone to talk to, someone other than me or Natasha. Unless you are falling for him, I don’t think you should feel guilty.”_

_“…”_

_“Steve?”_

_“…I…don’t think so?”_

_“You don’t sound so sure.”_

_“…I think I need to go. Bye.”_

_“Steve!”_

That conversation was pretty eye-opening for him and made him reevaluated what he felt about Thor. Thor was handsome, reliable, kind, and he seemed to care about him a lot, to the point where there were times that Steve swoon and blushed at some of his gestures—something he didn’t even admit to himself. It had hit him that maybe, maybe he really was falling for Thor and that was wrong because Thor was someone else’s. His friend’s. This was much worse than his feelings for Sam because he might hurt more people with his uncontrolled feelings.

He tried to avoid Thor, really. It was pretty easy at the day when he could just practice more with Natasha and Clint, not just with Thor. But it was so hard when he couldn’t even try to pretend to be asleep when Thor visited him, couldn’t even have the heart to refuse him.

He sighed, and then shook Thor’s body, trying to wake the god up.

“Come on, wake up,” He said, while Thor started to grouse. And they must be really spending a lot of nights together if Steve knew that Thor gonna be grouchy this morning, considering they had only fallen asleep three hours ago, “We have things to smash.”

“You sound like The Hulk,” Thor mumbled, eyes still closed. Steve just laughed and continued to shake Thor.

“Come on.”

“Nooo,” Thor legit whined. He even turned his back to Steve and suddenly Steve felt like he was dealing with a teenager, not a 1000 years old alien god. Steve shouldn’t find it adorable, but he did.

He really needed to sort out his feelings soon.

 

***

 

It actually surprised Steve at how surprised he was at seeing Jane in Thor’s apartment when he went there and Jarvis let him in. He didn’t know that Jane was coming and Thor didn’t mention it at all. When he entered the apartment, he got attacked by a hug from Jane and he almost went into defensive mode because of it. It was already months since they started living in the tower and it was only now he saw Jane in the Tower.

“Hey, Steve! I miss you,” Jane had yelled, after letting him go. Steve smiled—Jane hadn’t changed at all. It had been a year since the last time he saw her in person.

“Hey, I didn’t know you are coming.”

He felt glad for Thor finally met Jane again—it had been a few months too for them since the last time they saw each other. And yet, he felt something that was like a wedge in his core. It was not jealousy—not disappointment, but he could not exactly place what that feeling was. He also felt something akin to dread—a dread of Jane knowing Steve’s feeling towards Thor.

“Yes, I wanted to surprise Thor,” Jane grinned before dragging Steve to sit down on the sofa with her. Curiously, she wondered, “So, how is everything going?”

“Well, I think there weren’t many Hydra bases around now, we just need to find some artifacts,” Steve explained, trying hard to keep his face straight, “Thor has been helping us a lot.”

“It was not a problem, Steven,” Thor’s voice suddenly showed up, while the man himself came out of his bedroom. Steve looked around and saw Thor looking neat—he didn’t wear a suit anything, but he dressed sharply like he was going out on a date. Thor walked towards him and Jane and settled on another sofa, wondering, “Do you need something?”

Steve didn’t even remember what exactly he was going to show Thor on his phone.

“Actually, it’s not important,” he said, “I can tell you later.”

“Really?”

“Yes, don’t worry,” Steve tried to grin, while Thor looked unconvinced. It really was not important though, if he managed to forget about it just because of Jane’s presence.

“We are going to have dinner outside,” Jane said, and then offered, “Would you like to come with us?”

Steve tried hard not to laugh at that offer. Why would they invite someone to intrude on their date? He shook his head. It was probably Thor and Jane’s first date after a long time, he didn’t want to ruin that. And he thought that if he became their third wheel, whatever he was feeling like now would spiral out of control.

“No, of course not, I don’t want to be a third wheel.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Darcy intruded our dates enough, we were used to it,” Jane shrugged though Steve thought that she actually looked disappointed about that fact even though she tried to hide it.

“No, I am not Darcy,” Meaning, he had enough tact not to intrude, “You two should enjoy your dinner date, don’t ask anyone else to come with you.”

“Okay, then,” Thor said before he looked at the clock on the wall and turned to Jane to say, “We shall go before we are late”

“Yes, wait, I need to go to the bathroom,” Jane said, getting up from the sofa and then walked quickly towards the bedroom before slamming the door shut. When she disappeared, Steve turned his attention to Thor, asking the question he had wondered since he saw Jane.

“So, I am guessing you resolved your issues with her?”

“Yes,” Thor grinned, looking so happy that it kind of hurt, “Your advice had helped me.”

Steve smiled.

“Good for you, Buddy.”

_Good for you._

 

***

 

Jane stayed at the tower for three days and she and Thor went out a lot, probably exploring New York as Steve and Thor did. Steve was actually relieved—it made it easier for him to avoid Thor at all, although he still felt weird every time he saw him and Jane. He also realized that he had grown dependent on Thor’s presence at nights because when he couldn’t sleep or had a bad dream, he kept expecting Thor to come to his apartment and he spent the night waiting. And today, he ended up unable to fall asleep again after he dreamed of being shot to death by The Winter Soldier.

Today, since Thor went out with Jane while Natasha was practicing with Clint, he ended up in Bruce and Tony’s lab instead since Tony wanted to do something with his shield. He had refused but finally caved in since Tony kept pestering him—he decided to stay so Tony wouldn’t do anything weird. He ended up daydreaming though while sitting on the chair watching out Tony and Bruce working. He was thinking about what Thor and Jane doing, and then his mind switched to wonder about where Bucky was and whether he was okay or not, and then he thought about which new martial art he should learn before his mind went to Thor and Bucky again.

He only snapped out of it when Tony patted his cheeks and asked, “Missed your boyfriend?”

Steve frowned, “Boyfriend?”

“Point break.”

Steve sighed. Did Tony disturb his daydream just to ask him that?

“He is not my boyfriend,” Steve said, probably sounding too defensive about it. Ever since Steve came out to his teammates during a game of truth or dare, Tony had teased him about potential boyfriends—Sam included, along with Natasha who was still relentless in trying to find him a girlfriend and now a boyfriend. He had grown tired saying that he was not looking.

His heart seemed to say differently, though, considering he did have a crush on Sam and now new potential feeling for Thor.

“You sure went out to dates a lot,” Tony said, raising his eyebrow. It was only then, Steve realized that he was holding his shield.

“These are not a date,” Steve said. He did feel that some of their excursions felt like a date, but considering that Thor was taken, these were definitely not a date. Only a simple outing with his friend.

“Really? By the look of it, you look more like his—”

Steve took his shield from Tony’s hand and cut him off, “So, what did you do to my shield?”

Well, thankfully Tony was not that much in a mood to tease Steve since that question managed to quell him into a lengthy explanation about the magnets he put into the shield.

So, he managed to avoid Thor for three days, but after Jane went home, it became hard since Thor started to approach him again and he had a hard time trying to avoid him without hurting his feelings. One day after Jane was gone, Thor started asking him to go out together again.

“Steven, I just read about a place called Coney Island, would you like to visit it with me tomorrow?”

Steve fell silent at that. They were taking a break from sparring and now sitting on the ground, catching their breaths. Hearing about Coney Island reminded him of Bucky and fueled his mind to wonder about where he was again, and then after he got reminded of Bucky, he wondered why Thor didn’t go with

“I…I don’t think I can,” he answered. He would like to accept, would like to face the place again, but going out there seemed like a data and Steve was still trying hard not to have any expectations, trying hard to drown his growing feelings.

“Why?” Thor frowned and his eyes narrowed in disappointment. He must have expected Steve to accept, just like he always did.

“I am going to go away for the next few days,” Steve lied, “I found a clue about where Bucky was.”

He wanted to hit himself for lying about that. But that was the easiest lie that he could roll out.

“Oh? Are you going with Sam?”

“No,” Steve shook his head, “I am going to be by myself. Sam’s busy.”

“Should I come with you, then?” Thor offered. Steve turned to him, not expecting him to offer something like that.

“No, you don’t need to,” He said. It was a lie anyway, “You should stay here, in case something happened, you are our most important muscle. I won’t be gone for long.”

Thor nodded. He seemed to be buying Steve’s lie.

“I see, when will you be back?”

“In three days? I can be back sooner if there is an emergency, though.”

“I see, then let’s continue?”

So, that was how he ended up visiting Peggy again in D.C. and stayed there for three days, all to avoid Thor. He spent his days cursing himself, cursing how stupid he was being.

 

***

 

He still tried to avoid Thor when he was back to New York, rejecting his offers to go out and instead kept himself cocooned inside his apartment, trying to paint again. For the first time, he instructed Jarvis to turn Thor away when he came to his apartment. The only time they met was really to spar and practice because as challenging as it was to spar with Natasha or Clint, Thor was still his best opponent and he couldn’t give up his training regimen. Not when dangers still lurking and he needed to be always on his peak condition.

After a week, Thor noticed. Of course, he noticed. Steve was not exactly being subtle in his avoidance.

“Steven, can we talk?” Thor said after they were done sparring, holding on to Steve’s arm so Steve didn’t just run away from him like the earlier days.

“Yes?”

Steve’s heartbeat jumped. He was not ready for any talk they had to have.

“I think you have been avoiding me,” Thor said, looking hurt at that realization, “Did I do something wrong?”

Steve tried to relax. He shook his head, but couldn’t say his answer out loud. He had thought about this a lot for days—he wondered if him avoiding Thor would affect their works. He had guessed that if Thor realized that Steve had been avoiding him, he would be hurt and he would wonder why. He thought that he should just be honest so Thor would understand why—that seemed like the best way to avoid any bad blood between the two of them.

“I just think I should stay away from you for a while,” he finally said.

“Why?”

“Because I think I might be falling in love for you.”

Thor let him go at that and staggered, looking shocked at Steve’s confession. For a moment, Steve was proud that he was not as easily read as he thought. But then he started to prepare himself for what Thor had to say about it, closing his eyes and wait for whatever Thor had to say.

“Steven,” Thor started to say. His voice was so soft, which was so unlike him. He also sounded so taken aback, it took a while for him to continue, “I am flattered to hear that, but—”

There you go. The rejection.

“I know,” Steve said, cutting Thor off because he didn’t need to hear what Thor had to say, he already knew what it was, “That’s why I have to stay away. I don’t want to betray my friends. I am sorry if I am making you feel uneasy, but I guess I should just let you know why I can’t hang out with you as much as I used to so everything is clear.”

Thor bowed his head down as if trying to absorb everything Steve said first, before he said, “I understand.”

“Not forever, just until I sort out my feelings, okay?” Steve said because he didn’t want to ruin their friendship so easily like this.

“But can we at least continue to spar? Practice our ‘hammershield’ fight moves?”

Steve smiled. That was the name Clint gave when they demonstrated the moves they had practiced on the field.

“Of course. I mean it’s not like I can’t talk to you at all. Just…less.”

“I see.”

“If you have any problems, you can still talk to me, though, okay?”

Thor just smiled at that and Steve had a feeling that he was screwing this up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Steve. You are a mess, but you are my mess, so, love you.


	7. you are a vain, greedy, cruel boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thought he still loved Jane. She would always be someone special to him. But his heart was shaken by someone else, someone who was also dear to him.
> 
> What should he do?

For a while, the only sounds he could hear was the sound of his fist hitting the punching bag repeatedly. He didn’t know how long he had been doing that, but it was long enough that he was actually sweating. He was not at the tower, but instead he came back to the gym he visited often when he was first thawed up. The tower was suffocating him—he could not fall asleep and when he was asleep, dreams linger. Sometimes it was a dream about his mother, sometimes it was about Peggy, sometimes Bucky, a lot of things. Nightmares were one thing, but good dreams, dreams where he was not frozen, where he built a family with Peggy, where he was happy. These are worse because they were not real.

And then there was Thor, whose presence he could not ignore even when they were not in the same room. Who no matter how hard Steve tried to ignore, he just could not. Thor who gave him disappointed looks when Steve was obviously tried to not look at him. He hated himself, for being weak, for craving companions so much he made others and himself suffer for that.

So, once again, he ran away.

“You are fantastic at sabotaging yourself, Rogers,” Natasha said as she entered the room, making Steve stopped punching and instead looked at her. He didn’t even know how she knew he was here, but he learned not to question it. He was reminded of the time Fury visited him here, but he wouldn’t tell that to Natasha.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, instead, the question he needed to know the answer of.

“Checking on you,” Natasha said, leaning on the wall while crossing her arms, “What are you doing here?”

“The tower is suffocating.”

“Not avoiding Thor, then?”

Of course, she knew. Sometimes he hated it that his close friends could read him. Granted, Natasha was a spy who was trained to read other people. And maybe it was good that sometimes, Steve could read her, too. He was lucky.

“Natasha,” was the only thing he could say. It felt like any answer he wanted to give her would be a lie.

“I thought you didn’t need help from me anymore,” Natasha said, casually walking towards him and then chided, “Sad to know that you’re too good at self-sabotage.”

Steve had a feeling that if he was not so sweaty Natasha would ruffle his hair. She did that before. He was not sure if she enjoyed doing that or if she enjoyed making Steve felt like a child. Or a little brother. She was like his meddling older sister, except she was younger than him. Supposedly.

“Natasha,” he said again, exasperated. He turned to the punching bag again and continued hitting it, feeling like he couldn’t have this conversation not doing anything else.

“First Sam, and now Thor?”

When they were both old, Natasha probably would always remember all the details of Steve’s pathetic love history.

“First, Sam and I both agreed that we can’t be more than friends—” he explained, while still punching the bag.

“Both of you are stupid.”

Without missing a beat, he continued, “—and Thor has a girlfriend.”

“Okay, that one is actually understandable,” Natasha nodded, as if she just remembered about that fact, “I don’t think it’s totally one-sided, though. I have seen Thor looking at you the same way you look at him.”

Steve gritted his teeth. He didn’t need Natasha to get his hopes up, he didn’t need to fall down harder. He didn’t say it though—it was not Natasha’s fault that he was so pathetic. He stopped punching again, and said, “Well, doesn’t change the fact he has a girlfriend.”

Natasha shrugged, “That’s true, I guess.”

“You want to spar?” Steve wondered, deciding that he didn’t want to continue that conversation. He really wondered what Natasha was doing there—she was not dressed to spar, but he asked anyway.

“No. Do you know that you have been here for the whole night?”

Steve frowned. He went here at 10 PM.

“What?”

“It’s almost morning. I am actually picking you up, we are going to check on the compound development, right?”

Huh. He didn’t realize that he had been doing this for hours. He was not surprised, though; he knew that he tended to lose track of time when he was doing something as a distraction from his own mind. He was grateful that Natasha picked him up—they do need to check the development of what would be the new Avenger’s base. As someone who was tasked with leading and overlooking the team, he needed to know the progress.

“Right,” he said, taking off the clothes wrapping his hand and went to take his bag where he kept his spare clothes. He would just take a quick shower here to shorten the time, “Just, let me take a quick shower.”

He was walking towards the bathroom when Natasha suddenly asked out loud, 

“Steve, when was the last time you sleep?”

“Yesterday,” He answered. It was not a lie, he just omitted that it was only for an hour at most, “Wait for me.”

 

***

 

Thor tried hard not to look at Steven, though he ended up doing that anyway. It felt like there was a lodge in his heart now that it felt like they started to drift away from each other. It hurt that it was on purpose, not an accidental one. He kept finding himself drawn to Steven’s apartment, sometimes walking towards the door. He just stayed there, though, respecting what Steven wanted. Respecting that Steven needed time to be away from him, that Steven needed to get over him, no matter how hurt Thor felt every time Steven pulled away from him.

He was surprised when Steven said that he might be falling in love with him. It was flattering, to have someone as noble as Steven to feel such things towards him. And yet, they both knew that it was wrong. That Thor was a taken man.

He wished he could reject Steven right away, but he couldn’t. It made him felt guilty, towards Jane because he was betraying her, for Steven because he couldn’t reject him and couldn’t make himself stay away from him. It would be so easy if Thor’s feelings for Steven were pure friendship and fondness. But it was more than that. He was sure now because it hurt so much to not be able to do what they did before. Talk, sleep together, everything. It was as if when Steven confessed, Thor's feelings for him also took another leap and his mind finally realized about those feelings he refused to acknowledge.

“What were they doing with the scepter?”

Having a crisis over Steven in a middle of a meeting was not professional, probably, but it was the first time he saw Steven after two days, he couldn’t help but feel forlorn at finally seeing him again. This was an important meeting, they finally had a piece of excellent information on where the stone was and the largest Hydra base they could invade. But Thor was distracted. Good thing that his teammates were curious beings who would ask questions important to their mission.

“We are suspecting some experiments,” Lady Maria answered the question, “They might have also been recruiting kids as volunteers, though for what, we are not sure.”

“Kids?” Steven repeated. He was not looking at Thor at all, concentrated in listening to the briefing. He looked like he hadn’t had a good sleep, his hair was a mess and he looked tired. He was so focused though, no one would notice, “Is it possible that it’s for human experiments?”

“So, basically, like you, Capsicle?” Stark chirped in and from the way Steven reacted and from the tone Stark used, it sounded like a jab. He glared at Stark on Steven’s behalf, because Steven would not do that, not here, at least/

“Thor, is it possible they can use the scepter for experimenting on human beings?” Steven asked him instead, and it was bizarre at how happy and relieved he was that Steven finally looked at him.

“If they know how to use it, that is possible,” he answered. The infinity stones were powerful, they could do a lot of damage alone.

“I think that’s the last and biggest Hydra base. After this, you can focus on the initiative development or take a vacation until the next threat shows up.”

“Let’s hope the bad guys take their time,” Barton said, stretching on his seat, “I do need a vacation. A long vacation.”

The meeting was over soon, but Steven didn’t leave right away like others, instead, he stayed to talk to Hill. Thor didn’t leave, too, choosing to listen to Steven asking questions about the base and confirming a lot of things. Frankly, he had nothing to do, so since he was distracted during the meeting, hearing Steven and Hill’s discussion would be useful.

Once Hill left, Thor asked, “Are you going to continue to search for Barnes after this raid, Steven?”

Steven turned to him and looked surprised to see Thor still there. Unlike Thor, he was focused more on the mission.

“I don’t think so, I am going to focus on the initiative,” Steven answered, “Sam is going to check out the leads we have left, but after everything is checked out, we will stop. How about you? Have you planned anything with Jane or are you going to stay in Asgard?”

“I haven’t really thought about it,” Thor said, only realizing now he wouldn’t have to be here all the time anymore. That he could go back to Jane and stayed with her.

“I see,” Thor said. At the same time, Steven’s phone rang, and he picked it up in a hurry.

“See you later, Buddy,” Steven said before he left Thor alone in the meeting room.

That night, he was still thinking about the fact he didn’t really have a reason to stay longer here. If the next raid was successful, and they found the artifacts, then all Thor had to do was bringing them back to Asgard and if he came back to earth, he didn’t need to stay in New York anymore. He could just be with Jane, resuming their life together.

He should be relieved, he should be glad, and yet he was hesitant. He didn’t want to go. He had grown comfortable here, had grown comfortable with those people. Not to mention he had something to do here, even when no danger was lurking. With Jane, he did not have many things to do while she was working.

“Thor, are you listening?” Jane’s voice echoed through the phone, bringing him out of his reverie. This was not mighty.

“Oh, I am sorry,” He apologized, “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Are you thinking about someone else?”

“What?”

“Just kidding,” Jane laughed, which made him feel guilty because the answer was an almost ‘yes’, “Is there a problem?”

“No, not exactly,” Thor said. This was something that Jane didn’t need to know and if Jane knew, she would be hurt. Thor felt like he was being an infidel—he was, wasn’t he? Jane deserved better than this.

“Thor, you know that you can tell me anything, right?” Jane asked, her playful tone had transitioned into concern.

“I know,” Thor answered. It pained him to say this, it felt like a lie, “This is not a big problem, I am just trying to uncurl my thoughts.”

“Really? Because every time we talk, you are always distracted.”

He was. Even when Jane came, he was still a little distracted, all because he brought her to all the places he visited with Steven. He shouldn’t have done that, because all it did was making him remember all of his and Steven’s trips.

“I’m sorry,” He apologized, again, “But I promise that it’s nothing.”

“You said you have a raid tomorrow?”

“Yes,”

“Well, I should go, then. Good luck with that.”

“Thank you.”

After the phone call ended, he wondered what he should do. He thought he still loved Jane. She would always be someone special to him. But his heart was shaken by someone else, someone who was also dear to him.

What should he do?

 

***

 

The raid was a huge success, and they secured the things they were looking for, Thor was both relieved and conflicted. Relieved, because the scepter was finally in their hands and fewer dangers lurking around because of that, conflicted because he still had no idea what he would do after bringing it to Asgard. Steven and Natasha had a definite plan—they would try to recruit agents for the Avengers and leading the operation. He was not sure about Barton and Stark.

Well, he could enjoy the revel first. He enjoyed this, hanging out with his fellow warriors for reasons unrelated to battles. Somehow Steven ended up inviting a lot of elders—people who apparently fought in similar wars as himself. Thor could see how jarring it was for Steven when people around his age were already grey-haired and wrinkled while he himself remained youthful. Steven also brought Sam, which was not a surprise. Thor tried to invite Jane, but she was still so busy and couldn’t come.

“This is a nice party,” Sam said, approaching Thor who was alone, looking over the people below, “You guys know how to throw one.”

“Well, this is nothing compared to revels in my home,” Thor said, smiling. Below there, Steven was talking to the others, smiling brightly as he listened to their stories. Thor wanted to gift Steve with something, now that everything was over. He needed the right time for that.

“Now you are making me curious about Asgard parties.”

“Well, for one there are more meads and by the end of it more than half participants end up bare,” Thor told him. It was only a gist, Asgardian parties couldn’t be described by words alone, one had to experience it to know exactly how it felt.

“Bare?” Sam repeated, raising his eyes and wondered if he was thinking right.

“Naked,” Thor confirmed.

“You are fucking with me aren’t you.”

“Who knows,” Thor laughed. He looked at Steven again and wondered why Sam suddenly went here, “Why are you here?”

“Well, I feel strange there, they were sharing stories that only they could understand,” Sam told him, “I think I know how you and Steve feel around others now.”

Strange. That was true. He and Sam talked for a while, with Sam asking how the raid went since Steven had not told him in detail and then Sam telling him what the others were talking about. It was easy talking to the man. It was unfortunate when Sam suddenly said, “I need to leave soon.”

“Why?”

“Going to continue searching for a certain assassin slash Captain America’s best friend,” Sam answered. Thor remembered now that Steven had told him about this, “Hey, while am I gone, can you watch over Steve? I have asked Nat, too, but no harm in asking another person.”

“Why?”

“Well, he is happy now, but he hasn’t been doing so well lately, I think it’s because of Barnes, but feels like there is more to it.”

Oh. Would it be too vain for him to wonder if it was because of him? He couldn’t tell Sam that though. But hearing that Steven had not really been doing well made him feel antsy, too. He had an urge to make things better for him but knew that he couldn’t because he might be one of the reasons why Steven hadn’t been doing well.

“I am going away soon, though,” Thor said, instead, “But I’ll do it while I am still here.”

“Oh, to Asgard?” Sam wondered, and Thor nodded, “I see, then. Well, I already have Nat. I actually asked Steve to look over Nat, too, so I guess I’ll trust them to look out for each other.”

“Ah, that’s good.”

That was smart of Sam, actually. Sam patted him and then said, “I will say bye to everyone else.”

After Sam left, he wondered to his floor and took the stash of Asgardian mead he had brought months ago. He opened it and pour it to a glass, tasting it to make sure it was still edible under Midgard’s atmosphere. It was, so he brought it out. He had been planning to give it to Steven, but he wanted it to be at the right moment. Now, with their situation, he thought that he should not make it obvious that he brought it, especially for Steven. So instead, he brought it to Steven’s crowd and started to brag about the mead to the people there.

“See this...this was aged for 1,000 years in the barrels built from the wreck of Grunhel’s fleet,” He said, all attention’s to him, even Steven’s, “It is not meant for mortal men.”

He poured one for Steven and gave it mindlessly to Steven. He wanted to pat himself in the back for managing to be subtle about it. He couldn’t stop the elder who wanted to try it, though, and he could only hope he didn’t accidentally kill someone when he let the man try a sip.

Thankfully, after two sips, the man was drunk and had to be whisked away, hopefully with no health complications arising.

Steven emptied his cup and looked surprised at the taste, so Thor poured him another one before they took a seat at the sofa. It took a long time for him to finish the second pour, though, as he kept talking to everyone else. Thor could only wait until Steven finished it, curious whether the mead worked or not. Steven caught him looking and wondered, “Thor, something wrong?”

“No?”

“Okay,” Steven said and then he finally finished his glass and put it down on the table, “I think your mead is actually doing something for me.”

“Good,” Thor said, satisfied that he managed to do something for Steven, even if it was as simple as helping him get wasted.

“I don’t even remember the last time I got drunk,” Steven said, “I think it was when I was 17 years old? I tried several sips, but I puked like a horse the next morning.”

Thor had never seen a horse puked before, so he could not imagine how that looked like. Steven had become more relaxed, though, more open, and Thor was satisfied enough with that. The man surely needed that.

“That’s an interesting expression there.”

“Thank you, for this,” Steven said while patting Thor’s thigh, making Thor’s heart almost leaped, “I shouldn’t drink too much.”

“Why? This is a party, you should let go.”

Steven just shook his head, stubborn.

“How long will you be in Asgard?” He asked, instead.

“Not for long.”

Steven nodded and their conversation was cut short when all their teammates finally joined them. They ended up talking and Barton wondered out loud about his hammer, so now almost everyone tried to pick it up. Thor’s heart took another leap when Steve moved Mjolnir—though it was a mere nudge. He could only laugh nervously when Steve gave up right away.

It was all fun until Ultron attacked.

 

***

 

Steve lit up the cigarette and then took a puff, his eyes staring at the stars above. Here, in Clint’s secret house—the stars were bright. It was away from the city and the sky was clear.

Steve’s mind was clouded, though.

He was not a smoker, but right now he wanted it just so he could ease his anxiety. There was no beer in the house, but there was a pack of cigarette. He could not sleep, his mind kept thinking about how everything was a disaster. Ultron was still out there while the Avengers couldn’t do anything about it, all of them reeling from their visions. Thor was away, having seen something in his vision that made him felt uneasy. He didn’t even tell Steve what it was, taking off right away, making Steve felt worried.

He guessed it was his fault that Thor was not as open as he used to. He meant it when he said he thought Thor wouldn’t keep things from him, especially when it was related to the threats they were facing or when it was related to work. Perhaps he was too confident about Thor’s faith in him.

He shook his head. He needed to get his head straight tonight before he had to be responsible again tomorrow.

He looked up to the stars again.

He wondered where Thor was.

 

***

 

Thor stood in front of Steven’s apartment’s door, unsure whether he should ring the bell or not. The battle was over now; they were finally safe again though with a cost. A city was beyond destroyed and it was their fault, people died. Banner was gone and no one knew where he went even though they tried to find him. Thor found himself feeling restless, the fight still made him feel uneasy, especially since he had a hunch on what was coming. More dangers, more threats. He wanted to feel safe again, wanted to be comforted.

When he laid down on his own chamber not long ago, he realized that it was not Jane’s comfort he sought. That it was not Jane he wanted to be with.

It was Steven.

It was a discovery that shook him; he knew that his feeling for Steven was complicated, but he didn’t know how complicated it was.

He rang the bell, notifying the man. He waited and wondered if Steven would ignore him, if he would not open the door for him. To his surprise, the door opened, revealing Steven who looked like he just woken up from sleep. Perhaps that was why he mindlessly opened the door for Thor.

“I know that I should not do this,” he said before Steven could say anything, before Steven closed the door again, “But can I, for just tonight?”

Steven stared at him, probably debating whether to let him or not. But he sighed and opened the door wider, letting Thor step inside, “Yeah, of course.”

Thor stepped in and look around. It felt it had been a long time since the last time he was here. A lot of things disappeared—Steven had packed his things up. He would move out of here and move to the new base soon. Thor would too, but he was going back to Asgard and had planned to be away for a while to investigate the possible threats that could come to him. 

Mindlessly, he approached Steven and enveloped him in a back hug, stopping the soldier’s steps and made him stiffen.

“Thor?”

“Just let me, please,” Thor begged, as he felt the warmth radiating from Steven’s body. Steven slowly relaxed and Thor buried his face in Steven’s neck, inhaling his scent. He knew that he was being selfish and greedy, but he needed this. Just this one time.

_You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy._

_You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy._

They stood there for a while, Steven biting his lips while Thor wrapped himself around him. Thor finally let go when he thought it had been long enough, even though he wanted to do that for the whole night. Steven turned to him right away when he was let go.

“You want to sit?” Steven offered, though he didn’t wait for Thor’s answer before dragging him towards the sofa, pushed him to sit down before he himself sat down beside of Thor and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Are you okay?” Thor wondered. They haven’t talked properly after everything was over. Now that he was there, Thor felt calmer, felt more grounded that he had been.

“Yeah, I am okay,” Steven smiled tiredly, “It’s over.”

“What did the witch show you?” Thor asked again. Everyone knew what his vision was, but he didn’t know about what Steven’s was. He was too distraught after his encounter with the witch, he ended up leaving the others without any explanation.

“Her name is Wanda,” Steven said. Somehow, he had grown protective of her and Thor missed how it ended up being like that. He looked down and finally answered Thor’s question, “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

Thor was not sure what he meant by that, but he had an idea.

“I’m sorry.”

Steven frowned, “What for?”

“For leaving so suddenly.”

“You were shaken, we were all,” Steven said, patting his arm, understanding as always, “It’s not a problem.”

Thor leaned on Steven’s sofa, looking at the ceiling. He did not have any idea what he wanted to do here, he just knew that he needed to be here. Now that he was with Steven, he found himself at loss. Bringing up Steven’s confession would make their situation awkward and Thor didn’t want that. 

“I am going to search for the infinity stones and investigate,” Thor told him instead because he had finally come to a decision and Steven might need to know that, “I might be away for a while.”

Steven blinked.

“Oh.”

Thor wanted to be here, wanted to be with Steven—with the Avengers. Stark and Barton were retiring so they needed more muscles around, but Thor couldn’t stay. He had a duty, as the only one of them who could explore and seek answers on a larger scale.

Steven’s face was stony and his jaws tightened. Thor wondered what Steven was thinking.

“I will come back, once in a while, but I need to seek more knowledge. Something is amiss and I think someone out there is planning something for us.”

“I understand,” Steven nodded, before looking up at him and said, “Well, don’t worry, I am going to keep earth safe while you are gone.”

He trusted Steven to do that. It was others—others like Stark, like the witch, that he couldn’t trust yet.

“Can I sleep here for tonight?” Thor asked. He knew he was intruding more than he should, but he wanted his last nights there to be with someone he cared about at least.

Steven bit his lip as he hesitated. He closed his eyes before he answered, “Sure.”

It was wrong, but it felt right.


	8. right now, you and i, everything seems unreal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have wondered about that,” Thor confessed, “I have pondered about that.”
> 
> “And?”
> 
> “I love her, but,” Thor couldn’t continue.
> 
> “Your love has changed into a different kind,” Heimdall finished for him, “I think you know what you need to do, you just need to decide whether you want to do it or not.”
> 
> And that was the hard part.

Steve stared at the common room, where the rest of the new Avengers were currently sitting down, staring at the television, watching the movie. He was sitting in the dining table not far away from there, drawing them. They were currently helping Wanda catching up on new movies and television series. Apparently, being from a war-torn country and being trapped since you were a kid made your knowledge on pop culture as lacking as someone who came from seventy years ago.

Steve enjoyed this, really. He finally felt like he belonged—in this place, with an unconventional family. They all got along well, despite their history. His closest friends were here with him and he was in the process of getting closer with the other three. And yet, something still felt lacking. There were people he wished were here, with him. Bucky, obviously, and Steve was sure that someday, someday he would get his oldest best friend back. The other one who popped up in his mind was, well, Thor. Sometimes he wanted to bang his own head to the wall for not being able to move on from the man.

“Rogers, Cap,” Sam voiced intruded his daydreaming, “Steve?”

“Huh?”

“You’re not listening to me, aren’t you?” Sam said, giving him a nasty look. Steve didn’t even realize that Sam had been talking to him. When did he move from there to here? Well, thankfully they were not in a battle, so Steve was allowed to be unfocused.

Steve just grinned, “Nope.”

“What are you thinking about?” Sam asked, like he always did when he caught Steve not being at the moment. At least, this time he was in a good place, he was not having a flashback. He was actually looking forward to the future.

“You,” Steve said. Sam raised his eyebrow and Steve laughed, “Nat. This place. Wondering if I can call this place a home.”

He would never find his old home. Steve thought, when his mother died, she also took away the traditional sense of a home for him. But, he found a home with The Howling Commandos, with Peggy, and maybe, he could create his own sense of home again, with these people.

“If you want to, you can,” Sam said, squeezing Steve’s shoulder supportively, “But something is missing, isn’t it?”

Sometimes he wondered if Sam could read minds. But then again, there was a reason Sam became a counselor, and why he was good at that. He could only mumble a, “Hmm.”

Sam studied his face.

“Barnes,” he said, as frank as usual, and Steve’s face twitched, “Ah, there is someone else. It’s Thor, isn’t it?”

“What?”

He never really told Sam about his feelings for Thor, because he thought if he wanted to get over Thor, he shouldn’t talk about him to anyone else, at all. He was not sure if that was working, considering he still wanted Thor to be by his side, more than just as a friend.

“You can’t hide anything from me, Cap,” Sam chuckled.

“Nat told you,” Steve accused. He wouldn’t be surprised, he knew that they gossiped a lot—he was with them a lot, even when they were gossiping about him. As an act of revenge, he whispered, “You know, you need to step up your flirting for Rhodey. Even I think it’s pathetic.”

To Steve’s delight, in one month they were all living together, he found out that Sam had a crush on Rhodey. He was delighted that he had something to tease Sam. With Nat trying to get over Bruce, while he himself trying to get over Thor, he hoped that one of them would actually succeed in their romance adventure.

“We are not talking about me,” Sam groaned. Yes, this was fun, being the one who did the teasing.

“Well, I mean I already know that I have no chance with Thor,” Steve said, frankly, “So we should work on you.”

Sam kicked him.

 

***

 

Ever since his mother and Loki died, the palace felt emptier. Thor realized, as he spent more days there, he didn’t go back here often because of that. They were only two people, but they took up a lot of space in Thor’s hearts, in his life. Now that they were gone, his home felt emptier. His friends were still there, and they helped a lot. They played and fought together, Thor taking time to be with them since he missed them and hadn’t been with them for a long time. And yet, the emptiness returned when he was alone at night. At one point, he realized that he left some parts of his heart on Midgard.

He had sent messages to other realms that he would give them a visit to gather information and waited for an answer from them on whether he was allowed to come or not. The old Thor would just come without invitations, and the new Thor also wanted to do that, but he had learned to be more patient. As he waited for answers, though, he found himself restless.

His father was still acting cold, and it felt like they would get into a fight whenever they were together, so it was suffocating to be with him. Thor ended up giving Heimdall a visit, wanting to know what the man had seen lately. Heimdall told him the important things he saw, like about the new heroes and thieves popping up several times, about the new things happening.

At one point, Heimdall wondered, “Do you want to come back to Midgard?”

“No, not yet, I want to stay here for a while,” Thor answered, shaking his head. He wanted to go to Midgard, as the place felt less suffocating than Asgard right now, but he also wanted to stay. Being in Midgard had its own problems, problems that were less suffocating, but the ones he didn’t want to face.

“Is something troubling you?” Heimdall wondered. He did not need to use his ability, to know that his friend was troubled.

Thor had always trusted Heimdall, had always come to him to tell his woes. Now that he was given a chance to do so, he didn’t waste it. Thor told him, what he was conflicted about, “I think my heart is shaken and I am not sure what to do about it.”

Heimdall looked at him, his expression told him he knew what Thor was talking about.

“You are in love with Steven Rogers.”

Hearing someone said that as a matter of fact, weirdly, shook him. He had never said that out loud, not even to himself. To hear someone said that, it made his feeling felt real. Well, it was real, but Thor still had not accepted the fact.

“Oh, well, perhaps,” Thor fumbled, “I am not sure.”

“I have watched over you,” Heimdall said. Of course, he did, he always had Thor’s back. He continued to say, “Your heart knows what it wants, you just need your mind to accept that.”

He knew that.

“But Jane,” he said. Saying her name already felt like a sin. He felt like he had betrayed her and she didn’t deserve that.

“If you are afraid of hurting her, perhaps you shall wonder first whether you are already hurting her or not,” Heimdall continued his wisdom, eyes looking at the Bifrost, “And maybe you should question whether your feeling for her has remained unchanged or not.”

Perhaps, Thor was already hurting her. He knew that had been distant, knew that he had not been a good partner. He wondered if Jane noticed that his mind often wondered to somewhere else whenever they were together. Jane was observant, he thought she was not a master at covering her emotions. But perhaps, he was wrong.

“I have wondered about that,” Thor confessed, “I have pondered about that.”

“And?”

“I love her, but,” Thor couldn’t continue. Lately, he was always at a loss of words.

“Your love has changed into a different kind,” Heimdall finished for him, “I think you know what you need to do, you just need to decide whether you want to do it or not.”

And that was the hard part.

 

***

 

 

Steve put up the monkey sketch, now taped on the wall along with other sketches. He had decided to decorate his office and since his sketches were the only thing he can use right now, he chose to put up some of his sketches. There were still spaces, so he flipped over the pages of his book, trying to find one of the better sketches. He stopped at one page, a sketch of Thor, smiling brightly. He remembered that moment when they finally managed to do a shield and hammer move that didn’t do too many damages.

It had been two months since the last time they saw each other. Steve missed him. He wanted to put this sketch on the wall. That would not be weird, right? He put up sketches of Peggy, Bucky, Nat, Sam, and others too. So, it was not like he was putting it up for a special reason.

Yeah, it was not weird at all. Totally.

 

***

 

It took another month before Thor finally stepped his foot on Earth again, but it was not because he finally stopped being a coward. He had changed his appearance, changing into civilian clothes when he stepped into the restaurant where Jane had been waiting for him. Early that day, Jane called out to Heimdall, requesting Thor’s presence. She didn’t say why. It had been months since the last time they saw each other—after Ultron; he didn’t even have time to see her before he took off.

Thor was nervous, wondering if there was something Jane needed to tell him. This was also his chance to be honest to her, but the thought of doing so made his stomach churned. He saw Jane right away, sitting alone in a reserved table. He walked towards her, slowly. Jane saw him and waited, giving him a wary smile as he finally arrived and sat in front of her.

“Hey,” Jane greeted, before handing the menu she was holding towards him, “You should order first. You must be hungry.”

“I am.”

He was hungry, though his nervousness didn’t make him feel it. Once he had chosen, a waitress came to them and collect both of their orders, before leaving them. Thor was at a loss at what to say—there was a lot he could say, but he was afraid to say any of them. Jane said nothing, too, both of them sitting rigidly on their seats. It was awkward, the most awkward they had ever been.

At one point, Jane finally sighed and said, “Let’s stop all of this. Let’s break up.”

Thor was taken aback. He didn’t expect Jane to say those words before him—or perhaps, he should have expected that. Maybe, he should be relieved, that he was not the first to say it.

“Jane—”

“Everything has changed,” Jane said, as a matter of fact. It still pained her to say that, to face the truth. Thor could see it in her expression, that even though she was the one who said that, she still hurt,  a lot, “You are not in love with me, not anymore.”

“I do love you,” Thor quietly said. It was not a joyous moment, no matter how his heart had changed. Jane was his friend, and it pained him to hurt her.

“But it’s not the same,” Jane said. She knew—she probably had known since a long time ago, “And I am not sure if I can continue like this, what we are doing.”

Thor had to admit that the reason they couldn’t work out was because of him. Him, who was always away, him, who disappeared without notice. Him, whose heart got shaken by someone else. He was distraught as their food finally came to them. He was sad, guilty, but also relieved that he didn’t have to lie and pretend any more.

“I’m sorry,” He apologized. He had to.

“I’m sorry, too,” Jane said, picking up the utensils and starting to eat, “Let’s just finish this, shall we?”

They ate in silence, finishing quickly as they didn’t know how to make a conversation in a moment like this. Jane paid, even though Thor brought his own Midgardian money, she insisted to do that, for some unknown reasons. Once they were outside, Thor couldn’t stop himself from asking, “We are still friends, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Jane said, a sad smile plastered on her beautiful face, “But I need time.”

“Understandable,” Thor nodded, “I hope you will find someone better than me.”

“You, too,” she said as she stopped a taxi. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, “See you again someday.”

And then she entered the taxi in a hurry, Thor could see that she was holding back tears. He watched the car went away, wondering where should he go, now. To the Avengers Compound? To Steve?

No, it was too soon.

He decided to go back to Asgard, instead.

 

***

 

Thor busied himself with searching for the infinity stones and handling the threats other realms reported to him. Most of the time, he was away from both of his homes. He was not running away, no, he was simply doing his duty as a god and an Avenger. His heart longed to be on Midgard again, he often wondered if he made Steve waited for too long. Would his heart had changed, when Thor finally pulled himself together?

The thought of Steve moving on sometimes tortured him. So, when he was finally done checking another place with no result, he decided to come to Midgard. It had been two months, two months since he broke up with Jane, two months since he last stepped foot on Midgard. Four months, since the last time he saw Steve.

He landed on the Avengers Compounded with no threat, the system the place had identified him as someone who belonged there. He asked the resident AI where Steve room was, and walked there, full of resolute.

 

***

 

Steve had only finished combing his hair after taking a bath when his apartment’s bell rang, notifying him that someone wanted to see him. He put down his comb and wondered who it was—the others had gone to their own rooms, tired after today’s mission. They had decided to do debriefing tomorrow and he thought he had discussed everything when they were on the way back to the compound.

When he opened the door, though, it was not someone he expected.

It was Thor, looking worn out and tired. He let him come inside and closed the door, wondering why Thor suddenly showed up without any notice. He suddenly felt worried. Did something bad happen to Thor? Was he hurt?

“Thor? What—”

Steve was sure that his eyes widened comically the moment Thor touched his cheeks and pushed his face closer. Before he knew it, Thor’s lips touched his and at that moment, Steve felt torn. Oh, he wanted to melt into the kiss, but this still felt wrong, so wrong. So, he pushed Thor away, instead.

“Thor, stop,” he asked, pulling back at the same time. He didn’t understand what was happening. What was wrong with Thor? What the hell he was doing? Steve couldn’t understand, “What are you doing?”

Thor fretted. He probably shouldn’t kiss Steve right away like that, but he couldn’t help himself. Steve waited for an answer, tilting his head as if that would make him knew what was on Thor’s mind. Thor thought he was prepared for today, he had waited long enough. And yet, he still felt nervous. He was not inexperienced, far from that, but this one felt so important, though Thor was not sure why.

“I love you, too,” Thor finally confessed, “Honestly, I love you, too.”

Steve blinked. His mouth opened to say something, but he couldn’t find the words. He really wanted to slap himself, making sure that he was dreaming or worse, casted to another dimension. He never expected to hear someone say those words to him, moreover as a response to his own confession. It was several months late, for an answer, but still.

He wanted to be happy. His stomach twisted in nervousness and suddenly he really, really wanted to kiss Thor. But he was reminded of Jane.

“But,” he said, arms flailing as he tried hard to form a complete sentence. He was a mess, truly.

“I have separated with Jane, we both agreed that it was best for us,” Thor calmly said. Now that he had said what he wanted to say, he was finally at ease. At least, he had said it. One burden was finally taken off his shoulder, no matter what Steven’s answer would be. He continued with a question, “Have your feelings for me changed, Steven?”

“No, they haven’t,” Steve quickly answered. Suddenly he felt weak and just wanted to disappear. He didn’t expect that day to end like this. Slowly, he walked towards the sofa and slumped down there, “Oh, God.”

His heart pounded faster. This didn’t feel real. Thor broke up with Jane…for him? He felt both happiness and guilt. Would it be okay for him to reach for that happiness?

Thor followed him and sat by his side, like always. He chuckled and said, “I am here.”

Steve really wanted to hit him. No, he wanted someone to hit him so he would wake up from this dream.

So, he turned to Thor and requested, “Punch me.”

Thor could not help but laugh. Steven looked like he really was in disbelief and it made Thor wondered whether he really had given up.

“What?”

Steve sighed, “This can’t be real,”

“It’s real,” Thor said, daring himself to hold Steve’s hand. Steve’s eyes turned to look at their hands right away. He licked his lips and the blooming feeling in his heart started to attack him. He was happy. _He was happy._

He wanted this happiness to continue. He wondered whether this would be okay—Thor was a god; he was less vulnerable than humans. He didn’t want to date others because he knew he would bring harm to them, but what harm could he bring to Thor?

Now that he had a chance, he didn’t want to let go. He was scared, but he wanted this.

He looked up, let go of Thor’s hand and then pushed Thor until the god laid down on the sofa, Steve on top of him. He started to kiss Thor, tasting the dry lips on his own, feeling Thor’s beard brushing his chin. He can feel Thor’s tongue meeting his own—it was not perfect, Steve knew that he was not really a good kisser, especially when he was the one instigating it like this. But it felt real. So real.

“Oh, yeah, it’s real,” Steve said as he stopped to catch a breath. He smiled at Thor, finally, and Thor returned the smile. They both looked like idiots, probably, but Steve didn’t care.

Thor somehow managed to flip their positions without making them fall off the sofa and in an instant, Steve was pinned under Thor. He looked at Thor’s eyes, as if daring him to do something. Thor smirked and then started to kiss him again. Unlike Steve’s hurried kiss, Thor took time kissing him. Steve’s hand moved to the back of Thor’s head, as if trying to make sure that Thor wouldn’t let go of him.

They kissed and kissed, exploring each other’s space. At one point, Thor stopped kissing his mouth and moved to kiss Steve’s jaw, slowly moving down to his neck. Somehow, Thor managed to find his sensitive spot there, playing with it with his mouth, making Steve involuntarily gasped.

Thor, the bastard, stopped and looked at him smugly.

“You want to continue this, or talk?”

Once again, Steve wanted to hit him.

“Talk later,” he answered, for once, indulging himself, “Want to try out my new bed?”

If Natasha heard him say something like that as an attempt at seduction, she would groan.

 

***

 

Steve opened his eyes and once again, Thor was by side, still sleeping. As always, he woke up earlier than the god, his biological clock working sharply no matter how tired he was. It was almost like all those times they slept together. Except, last night was different. Last night, sleeping was not the only thing they did. Last night, Thor wrecked him, in a way that was so good Steve wouldn’t mind going through again.

He wanted to go back to sleep again, but he still had training today. So, he woke up and slowly stepped down from the bed, stretching his body. His body ached but he was happy that it was not because of a mission. He looked over to Thor again, deciding to let him sleep as much as he wanted to. He mentioned in passing that he had been going around before coming here, so he deserved a good rest. Leaving Thor, Steve walked towards the bathroom and took a shower, cleaning himself thoroughly.

Once again, he felt like he just woke up from a dream. Despite having sex several times last night, the fact that Thor loved him still felt like a fact he made up. Once he was finished, he looked at himself in the mirror. The marks Thor gave him had already disappeared, apparently unaffected by Thor’s status as a god. He was disappointed—he wanted more evidence that last night was real. He went back to his bedroom and saw that Thor was still sleeping, his naked body covered by the blanket. Steve dressed up in his casual training clothes, went to the kitchen, and started to make coffees and omelets for himself and Thor.

Thor must have impeccable timing, since he sauntered towards the kitchen right when Steve started to put the omelets on the plates. He was still naked, not even bothering to cover himself.

“Good morning,” Steve greeted him, trying to sound not too giddy.

Thor smiled brightly at him and said, “What a fine morning, indeed.”

Steve put the plate and cup of coffee in front of Thor, before settling down on one of the chairs in the dining table. Thor sat across of him, already picking up a knife to eat them. Those omelets wouldn’t be fulfilling enough for them, it was just so they wouldn’t be so hungry. The team still had breakfast together, so they would eat again later.

“Have a good night sleep?” Steve asked once Thor was finished with his omelet. He must be hungry because the food was gone in a flash.

“Very,” Thor answered, grinning.

“So,” Steve started to say but then taking a pause.

“Hmmm?”

“You are not lying?” Steve asked, a part of him wondering if last night was a fluke, “You like me?”

“Why would I lie, Steven?” Thor wondered, raising his eyebrows at him. Yeah, Thor was not a kind of person who would make a cruel joke at the expense of someone else. But still.

“Just, why? Why would you—”

_Why would you like a mess like me? Why me, out of all the people you have met?_

“Because, you are worthy, because you are a mighty warrior, and you moved me,” Thor answered, even before Steve finished his question. Steve heard those words, but he didn’t really understand. He would never understand. But that was okay, right? The only thing mattered was that Thor loved him. That someone loved him back. That they had a chance to do something about their feelings.

“What are we, now, then?”

“I believe that the right term for it is dating,” Thor said, his tone teasing as if he found Steve’s question silly, “That is, if you want to.”

“I like that,” Steve said, while a voice in his mind said, wow, you finally got yourself a boyfriend, that only took 80 years. He tried to quite that voice and instead, he repeated, “Yeah, I want that.”

He wondered if he should apologize to Jane. Would they even tell their friends about this? He had so many things to plan for. He wanted to go on a date—but he would be busy today.

“How long will you be here?” he asked. Did Thor come here just to tell him that he loved him?

“A week, maybe,” Thor answered, but he looked uneasy, “Or as long as you want me to.”

Steve finally remembered that Thor still had duties. He probably should ask Thor about that, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment by thinking about complicated things. He would ask later, he could ask when it was at an appropriate moment, in front of others who should know, too.

“But you are uneasy.”

“Yes.”

Well, he was glad that Thor was still honest to him.

“A week, then,” Steve decided. He would be satisfied enough having Thor by his side for that long, “I have debriefings and training today, would you like to come?”

“Of course, I would like to get to know the others, and maybe we can announce our new relationship?”

Steve’s first thought hearing that was that Sam and Nat would tease him a lot about it. But, other than that, he did not have any reasons to refuse that suggestion. They didn’t have any reason to hide their relationship from others. Steve didn’t even mind coming out to the public, but The Avengers’ PR would hate him if he came out without telling them.

He nodded.

“After that, what do you want to do?”

“How about a date?” Thor suggested. Oh, they were thinking of the same thing, then.

“Ugh, I am going to finish late today, I have promised that I will train with Wanda and Nat.”

“Well then after you finished, I want to study your body,” Thor said, his voice suddenly became deeper, “I want to make love to you.”

Steve couldn’t prevent the blush forming from hearing Thor saying that so frankly.

Yeah, yeah, they can do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, the penultimate chapter finally! The next chapter will the last, and Chapter 10 will be ~~post credits~~ an epilogue. Fluff incoming!


	9. What makes you happy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When I am here, when I am with you, I feel at ease. This is rest for me.”
> 
> “Well, if you put it that way, it’s the same for me, then.”
> 
> “I am glad you feel that way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit, I have finished half of this chapter way before Endgame, I was going to finish it before Endgame but I am always too tired to write. So, here is the last chapter of this story!
> 
> Warning for inaccurate description of Disneyland/world.

“So, now I can fly with Sam’s, Rhodey’s, or Wanda’s help,” Steve told Thor, as he laid on Thor’s chest, playing with Thor’s fingers. They were both naked in Steve’s newly bought Brooklyn apartment, with only a blanket covering them, “Wanda is still afraid to do her magic to us, though.”

It had been two months since they started dating—though, in these two months, Thor was not always there. Honestly, they had only met each other a handful of times. Steve was fine with that, though, they were both busy with different though similar responsibilities. Even though they were apart for weeks, they reconnected easily, which was one of the reasons why Steve liked Thor so much. Not to mention, being apart a lot stretch their honeymoon phase longer.

“If I know you like flying that much, I would have taken you flying,” Thor said. Steve could feel him kissing the top of his head. Now that they were together, both of them didn’t hold back their desire to touch each other in any way. Honestly, Steve never realized how touch-starved he was until he let Thor do anything to him.

“You know that I am still not sure about your ability to carry me,” Steve scrunched his nose. Every time he imagined flying with Thor, he also came up with a lot of ways it could go wrong.

“I am offended, Steven. Offended,” Thor responded in a mock offended tone. Steve just laughed. He let go of Thor’s hand and pushed his head back to look and smile at Thor, for no reason at all. He leaned on Thor’s chest, took his hand again, and started playing with Thor’s finger again. This was comfortable—he felt protected, which was something he rarely felt.

“I wish I can fly on my own, though,” Steve said, “That must have been fun.”

“It’s energizing, in a way,” Thor agreed. Steve wondered if he should brush his concerns off and let Thor took him flying. Even though he had reservations, it seemed fun.

“Yeah, that was what Sam said, too,” Steve said. He had nothing to tell Thor anymore, so he requested, “So, how about you?”

“I haven’t found anything,” Thor sighed, disappointment apparent in his tone. Steve kissed his hand, as an act of comfort, “All leads I have found and investigated have been nothing, it’s both worrying and distressing.”

“I wish I can come with you,” Steve said. He did wish that—he was also curious about how it was exactly like outside of Earth. But he had responsibilities here and he couldn’t just leave his friends when the Avengers were still a shaky foundation.

“I do get lonely at times, and wishes you are with me.”

Steve smiled hearing that. Months ago, he could not imagine Thor wanting him on his side all the time.

“Someday, maybe I can come with you,” Steve said. It was tentative. He wanted to make a promise, but he was afraid that he would not be able to fulfill that promise, “When I am not needed here anymore.”

The thing was, he was still needed. He hadn’t managed to find Bucky and make sure that he will be safe, and even after he was safe, he couldn’t leave Bucky just like that, couldn’t he?

“Will such a day come?” Thor wondered out loud. He was not judging, but Thor asking that made Steve felt a little self-conscious.

“I don’t know,” Steve admitted, “My duty might never end.”

Maybe, he could put a stop on it if he wanted to. But, he never really could away, not really.

“From what I have seen, you deserve some rest.”

Thor pulled him down with him, making them laid down on Steve’s bed. They changed their position and it didn’t take long before Thor continued spooning him. Sometimes, Steve thought that Thor liked doing that a little too much.

“You should rest, too. It must be tiring, going around,” Steve said. His eyelids started to feel heavy. Nights with Thor would always end up being a good night of rest for him, no matter what they did. It had been like that, even before they started dating.

“When I am here, when I am with you, I feel at ease. This is rest for me.”

“Well, if you put it that way, it’s the same for me, then.”

Steve yawned, and started letting himself slowly falling asleep.

“I am glad you feel that way.”

 

***

 

Nowadays, Thor’s dreams didn’t only include his mother and brother, but also Steven. Whether it was a good dream or a nightmare, Steven was also present. Thor had to admit that he wanted to stay on Earth with Steven, wanted to abandon his mission. But he could not do that and Steven would hate it if he abandoned his responsibility just to be with him. Their relationship was still new—it had only been three months since they started dating. He felt like their relationship might be delicate.

Often, his nightmares included Steven being hurt when Thor was away, or, generally, something went wrong on Earth and he could not help. Today, when he was sleeping in Asgard after another journey, he dreamed that Steven got hurt badly. And then, Heimdall told him that his dream came true—Steven was hurt.

He went to Earth right away, gave the compound a visit, and demanded to see Steven. Sam had to calm him down and told him that Steven was okay, he was not that badly hurt and he just needed a rest. That calmed him down, a little, so Sam finally told him that Steven was resting in his chamber after refusing to stay at the healer’s place.

He could enter Steven’s apartment easily, already granted permission not long ago. He walked to his room and saw that Steven was laying down, his body was bandaged in several places. He was awake, but Thor still took careful steps before he laid down beside his lover.

“Hey, Steven,” he said, lowering his voice volume.

Steven looked at him, eyes glassy. He looked like he was hurting—Thor should have brought medicines from Asgard, maybe they would work on Steven. He brushed off Steven’s damp bangs, his heart hurt looking at the bandages and bruises on his lover’s body.

“Hey, you,” Steven answered, struggling to smile, “What are you doing here?”

“Heimdall told me that you were hurt,” Thor said, making Steven frowned.

“Heimdall is still watching over me?” he asked, which Thor answered with a nod, “He shouldn’t bother.”

“I ask him to, I want to be here in case anything happens to you,” Thor said. He didn’t want to let his team suffered, especially Steven. If Heimdall didn’t tell him, he would not have come down—he already gave Earth a visit last week.

“You can’t put a pause on your life just because I am hurt,” Steven said, shaking his head. He struggled to get up, so Thor helped him until he was sitting on leaning on the bed head. He put his hand on top of Thor’s, and said, “Though, I am glad you are here.”

“I can’t just stay away if I know you are hurt,” Thor said. He hated it that Steven put himself as Thor’s lesser priority. Thor always put the ones he loved as his top priority.

“But if there is something else more important, you can’t just leave to visit me, okay?” Steven insisted. Thor had a feeling that Steven would make him make a promise on this. He didn’t want to.

“There is nothing important, right now,” Thor said, “But I know my priorities.”

That seemed to assure Steven a little—though, Thor suspected, Steven was too tired to argue right now. If he was healthier, he probably would argue until Thor made a promise.

“Good,” Steve said, “Sorry, I can’t do much with you right now.”

“I will be glad to lay down all day with you.”

“Without doing anything else?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm,” Steven mumbled, “I want to kiss you, but moving hurts.”

Feeling playful and more at ease, Thor said, “No kiss. It’s your punishment for getting hurt.”

Steven pouted, “You are mean.”

 

***

 

He felt dizzy and very nauseous, while Steven was failing to not laugh beside him. Thor was in disbelief—he couldn’t believe that his lover would laugh at his misery.

“You are so weird,” Steven said, still laughing after seeing Thor’s face once they got off the thing called ‘rollercoaster’, “You are okay after facing giant monsters but not after riding a rollercoaster?”

Steven was taking him to a place called Disneyland—Thor heard it a lot, but hadn’t had a chance to visit. Apparently, Steven also hadn’t had a chance to do that despite always being on Earth. It was a wonderful place, Thor enjoyed looking at people playing characters he had seen in movies. The rides were fun too, at least, until they tried one of the rollercoasters.

“I am fine,” Thor insisted. He though riding it would be easy, he was just not prepared for the heart jumping turns and twists, he would not be like this if he was more prepared, “The…roller coaster is just surprising.”

“So, you are going to ride it again with me, right?” Steven asked giddily. Unlike Thor, he seemed unaffected by the ride. It made Thor wondered if he really hadn’t tried to ride the roller coaster before.

“Of course, I am more prepared now,” Thor answered. Well, he was not sure if he was fully prepared, but he had gone through more surprising journeys, “Aren’t you going to try other rides?”

“We have all day here, don’t worry. There are several roller coasters here, we can try them all.”

Now that Thor had handled his nausea, he looked at the thing that Steven bought while Thor tried to get a grip. It looked like a cloud, so while Steven was eating one side, he took a bite on another side.

“That’s sweet,” he commented. He liked the taste, it was light on his tongue.

“It’s cotton candy,” Steven said, “I like it.”

The candy got caught in Steve’s nose because he was eating it a little too passionately. Thor laughed and brushed it from Steven’s nose, making Steven scrunching his nose at that. It was too cute and Thor tried hard to refrain from kissing him.

“We should buy more,” he said instead. Steven almost finished his and Thor wanted to have his own candy.

“Not too much, though, you get hyper when you have too much sugar,” Steven said while finishing his. Thor wanted to argue that Steven could be as bad as he was at being too energized.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” he asked, wrapping his arm around Steve’s shoulder and pulled him to find another seller.

“Hmm, maybe,” Steven said, he stopped walking and made them both halted. He pointed to a place and said, “Hey, there is you, there.”

Thor turned his head and was surprised to see another him. The resemblance was there—if only Thor wore his armor now, then they would look similar. The person who was parading as he even had his own Mjolnir with him—which made him miss his own hammer. They left both their shield and hammer in the car, only bringing them in case of emergency. He really hoped that nothing would ruin his and Steven’s outing today.

“Ooooh, I thought only fictional characters are here,” Thor exclaimed. He was happy to see that he was as famous as those Disney characters and flattered that someone paid so much detail to his impersonation.

“Well, you are a prince, so it’s fitting, no?” Steven grinned, taking out his phone to take a picture of fake-Thor.

“I want to take a picture with him, can I do that?” Thor wondered since Steven was already taking pictures.

“Of course,” Steven took Thor’s hands and dragged him to the fake-Thor, who are currently taking photos with children. Thor wondered if their disguise were good enough that no one could recognize them or if these mortals just pretended that they did not recognize them. When the children were finished, Steven dragged him again, “Hello, can we take a picture with you?”

Fake-Thor turned to them and seemed to be star struck when he saw Steven—something that happened a lot.

“Oh god, you are Captain America?” Fake-Thor wondered. Steven’s smile became a little restrained and Thor knew him enough to guess that Steven was glad that Natasha was not there—she had been lecturing him about having a better disguise and the fact that he was recognized that easily would make Natasha lectured him again.

“And Thor,” Steven said, pointing to Thor. Thor felt a little proud that he was not recognized right away, though, perhaps fake-Thor was too star struck. That was very understandable, Steven was indeed good-looking.

“Hello, friend!” Thor greeted enthusiastically, patting the man on the shoulder, “This is a good reenactment, I see.”

Fake-Thor seemed delighted to be praised like that. Though, Thor was kind of disappointed that he was not as star struck as when he recognized Steven. Understandable, though still disappointing. But well, there were times when they went out together where people were more enthusiastic to see Thor, so Thor could deal with this disappointment.

“Thank you,” Fake-Thor said, visibly trying to collect himself upon seeing them, “And yes, you can take a picture.”

“Great, I will take the picture,” Steven said, already walking away from them to take their picture. Thor stood beside Fake-Thor and wrapped his arm around him. He put on his best smiles and let Steven took several pictures, changing his pose once in a while. It didn’t take long before Steven came back to them.

“Done,” he said, giving his phone to Thor so he could check the photos. Thor looked at the photos, swiping left and right, delighted that the photos were really good.

“These are good,” Thor said, and then continued, “I wonder, is there a Captain America, here? Other than Steven?”

Steven groaned hearing that—which Thor had already expected, so he ignored him.

“There is! He is wandering around, last time I checked,” Fake-Thor answered. Thankfully, they were not that many people trying to take a picture with him, so they were not in a hurry.

“Then we shall find him!” Thor said, giving the phone back to Steven, who still groaned knowing that there was a Fake-Steven here.

“I never expected to see you guys here,” Fake-Thor said, a bright smile still on his face. Thor really wanted to declare him as his younger brother, because even he had to admit that they looked like each other.

“I have always wanted to come here,” Steven answered, smiling at Thor.

Thor, caught up in the moment, accidentally blurted out, “We are on a date,”

Steven’s smile faltered and Thor soon realized what he just said. They never said that out loud and he had been wanting to say that, had been wanting to declare to the world that Steven was his, so he slipped. Thor knew well that Steven was a private person and their kind of relationship was still not widely accepted—he had learned about it and then frowned all day about it.

“Oh, I see,” Fake-Thor said, obviously taken aback. But he didn’t see to judge them, “That’s great. Does everyone know?”

“No, maybe sometime soon,” Steven said, despite his faltering smile. Thor was surprised that he didn’t correct him or denied what Thor said.

“We will go, we want to ride more rollercoasters,” Thor said, taking Steven’s hand and started to walk away.

“Good luck with the queue!” Fake-Thor yelled.

He brought Steven to a quitter and emptier area, which was hard to find. They didn’t say anything on the way, though Steven let Thor dragged him. Once they managed to find a quieter area, Thor looked at Steven again and apologized right away, “Steven, I am sorry.”

He truly felt guilty, he should have asked for permission or control himself better.

Unexpectedly, Steven just smiled and asked, “Why?”

“I should not have said that,” Thor said. He expected Steven to be angry, but he didn’t, he looked like he was pondering something, “I lost my mind for a bit.”

“That’s okay,” Steven said, voice soft. He smiled to himself before he looked up to Thor and touched his face. Thor, once again, was surprised when Steven kissed his cheek, “If people know, then there is nothing we can do.”

Oh. Oh. Thor was happy with this development—that there was a possibility that they didn’t have to hide. Though, he wondered why because this felt sudden. He didn’t want Steven to get hurt if people started hating him because of this.

“Are you sure?” Thor wondered. Steven nodded, though there was a hint of hesitance there. Perhaps, they should talk about this more once they were finished here.

“Yes.”

Thor smiled then. He was glad that he didn’t ruin this important day, though they still needed to solve this problem.

“Then, shall we search for Captain America?”

“Nah,” Steven shook his head, “Roller Coaster first.”

Thor went green a little.

 

***

 

Steve was not surprised when he received an email containing a link to an article titled, ‘Captain America and Thor spotted on a date?’, along with a request for a response from the Avengers public relations. Someone did manage to take a picture of him kissing Thor’s cheek, Steve didn’t really see the person, but he thought he saw it. He looked at the picture for a long time—he kind of wished that the photo was in a better quality instead of blurry.

He had talked about this to Thor. He didn’t want to hide their relationship, but he was still hesitant about going public. He didn’t want to deny it and to be honest, he didn’t care how it would affect the Captain America image. But he needed to think about how it would affect The Avengers. Thor suggested that he should talk about it with the others and yeah, that made sense.

His phone rang and he checked who was calling him—he was expecting it to be Tony, but it was Jane. That was another problem—they had not told her about their relationship and Steve barely thought about it when he kissed Thor in front of the public. He didn’t want Jane to find out from the news, but she probably did. He felt so selfish.

“Hey,” he greeted her, trying hard to sound normal.

“Hi, Steve,” Jane greeted him, sounding chipper as always, “How are you?”

“I am fine. How about you?”

Truthfully, Steve felt nervous about this call.

“I am great, my research is almost done,” Jane told him. She went quiet for a second before she finally blurted out, “I heard about you and Thor.”

“Uh…”

He hadn’t made up his mind about what his answer would be when people asked him.

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Jane continued, fully convinced if Steve had to judge from her tone. He sighed, deciding that lying would be worse than telling the truth. So, he ended up apologizing.

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Jane said, even though she sounded a little sad. Steve was a little relieved hearing that she was not mad. He didn’t want to lose a friend, “I am okay, really. I am glad for you two, you always have more in common than me and Thor.”

“I am sorry that you are hurt,” Steve apologized again. He would always feel sorry towards Jane, whether she forgave him or not.

“Well, it’s not like you purposely seduced him.”

“How do you know I didn’t?”

“You? Doing something like that on purpose?” Jane laughed, making Steve wondered what kind of image he really had, “I have an easier time believing that ghosts exist.”

“Well, aliens exist, why not ghosts?”

 

***

 

Steve raised his eyes when he entered the common area and saw that his team had gathered, with the exception of Rhodey who was currently busy because of his military business. He just finished an interview with a magazine, addressing the status of his relationship with Thor and expressing his concerns and disappointments that people couldn’t accept that. It was hard after he finally decided to come out and confirmed his relationship, but his team accepted and supported him. And it was not like everyone was against bisexual Captain America—there were a lot of people who supported him, it was just the conservatives were louder.

He just needed to go through this and let the fervor died down.

He smiled brightly when he saw Thor chatting with Natasha—he didn’t know that Thor was back again. As if he could sense that Steve was staring at him, Thor turned to him and smiled brightly too. He abandoned Natasha to approach him, pull him close, and then give him a kiss.

“Hey,” Steve said before stealing another kiss. Thor kissed him so quickly, he was not satisfied at all. It had been like two weeks since the last time they saw each other. Steve missed him.

“Hey,” Thor responded softly, kissing the top of Steve’s head. Steve felt so loved, suddenly.

Near them, Sam coughed and said, “Gross.”

Steve turned to him and protested, “Hey!”

He pulled away from Thor and both of them walked towards the big sofa where Natasha was currently perched on. He saw that there was a lot of food ready, take-outs from their favorite restaurants. Wanda and Vision were currently cooking, too, though Steve doubted that their experiment would be successful.

“What are we celebrating tonight?” he wondered as he sat down with Thor and Sam on the sofa. The TV in front of them was playing an Asian horror film Steve could not recognize.

“Well, you finally getting the guy is worth celebrating,” Natasha said, plopping down beside of Steve, “I think you saying ‘fuck you’ to the public should be celebrated, too.”

“I didn’t say that,” Steve grimaced. Maybe he was firm and a little harsh in his statement, but not like that.

“Not directly,” Sam commented, ganging up on him with Natasha. Sometimes, Steve regretted introducing them to each other. Though, in his defense, he didn’t exactly have a choice.

“I am proud of you, Steven,” Thor said, kissing Steve again before pulling Steve to his embrace, as usual. They didn’t hold back in front of the others, now, and Steve loved the indignant expressions Sam made whenever they almost went over the line.

Like now. And they didn’t even really do anything, yet.

“Are you going to be like this, now, really?”

“Don’t be jealous,” Steve said, sighing contently in Thor’s embrace. He loved this, being together with people he loved. He was crafting his own place in the 21st century, now. This was going well, so far, but he was afraid that this would get ruined, someday. But he was always prepared for the worst, so he should just let himself enjoy this. Now his relationship with Thor was known, he had settled with his team, everything was going well. He just needed to find Bucky and helped him, then it would be perfect.

“I am not jealous,” Sam scowled.

“Uh-huh, you won’t be jealous if—” Natasha chimed in, now siding with Steve. Steve smiled. Now he was glad that he introduced them to each other.

“Shut up.”

“Oooh, is our Falcon needs help with his romance?” Thor wondered, chuckling. Steve could feel his body vibrated with his laugh and he closed his eyes, tired but content.

“Not you, too!”

Well, he closed his eyes until he smelled something burning and had to open his eyes. Thor let go of his embrace so he could sit straight to see Wanda and Vision panicking in the kitchen. Natasha and Sam hurried to calm them down and fix whatever they did wrong. Nothing was on fire, just their food and honestly, if Steve or Thor intervened, it would get worse, so he let Natasha and Sam handled it.

“You are happy, right?” Thor suddenly asked him, looking at him as if he had never seen Steve this content before.

It was not perfect. He still needed to find Bucky, still needed to fight. But, it was close enough. At least this once, Steve was glad that he could answer honestly,

“I am.”

 

**End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the end! I was going to explore more about them coming out to the public, but that might be kinda heavy so I kinda skipped it to get to the more fluffier parts. I do have a sequel planned, an angstier one, with the next chapter as a preview on it. Not sure if anyone is interested, but oh well! I have fun writing this despite the hurdles!


	10. Happily Ever After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve held his head high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: if you want this story to end happily, don't read this chapter and just read the last chapter!

Steve held his head high.

He tuned out the people calling him a traitor, the people who demanded a clearer explanation of why Captain America was being held. barely hearing a word. He walked towards the pavilion, ready to face his judgment. His hands were handcuffed by a big chunk of metal—one he couldn’t break out of. Despite walking confidently, truthfully, he felt weaker than usual. He didn’t know why—even though he had been in jail for weeks by now, he never felt this weak. He marched on, though. He had to.

Among the crowds, he could see Sam and Natasha hiding. Steve held back a smile, their presence meant a lot for Steve, he didn’t feel alone. At least, they were safe, now, they were free. At least Bucky was safe, too. The public thought he was being prosecuted there, but the truth was, Bucky was safe under the ice, under the protection and help of King T’Challa and Princess Shuri.

Tony stared at him from afar, side by side with General Ross. The guards who were walking with him stopped walking, right in front of the press. One by one, these people asked questions. Steve could barely focus on those questions, his head started to get hazy.

“Captain, do you regret not signing the Accords?”

“Captain, why did you give up yourself?”

Steve didn’t regret it not signing the Accords, he didn’t regret going to Siberia. He did regret that he dragged the others, even though they were willing. He regretted he didn’t tell Tony of his suspicions, creating a bigger rift between them. He didn’t regret giving up himself to let the others off the hook—this was a fitting punishment for him.

He was glad that Thor was not here. He had prayed and prayed to Heimdall not to tell Thor about the mess that was happening here—Thor had more important matters—one that could save the universe. He didn’t need to get entangled in this drama, didn’t need to see Steve at his lowest yet.

(And truthfully, Steve didn’t know what he would do if Thor was against his decisions.)

Steve held his head high, so he saw the sniper aiming his gun towards the crowd. He turned his head and saw that one of the guards was already targeted.

“Watch out!” He yelled, pushing that guard down using his body before the bullet rain started. As if on instinct, everyone did what he said.

No—he was not quick enough. He felt one bullet pierced through his shoulder—and then another and another. It was only then he realized the target was not the crowd.

It was him.

It was too late, though. He could not even yell because the pain was too much—he had no idea how many times he was shot, each shot penetrated him with no breaks and no mercy. By the time one pierced his chest, he couldn’t stand up anymore. He wanted to keep standing.

“Steve!” He heard Sam yelled. He could not focus on his surrounding, the only thing he felt was pain, pain, pain. He didn’t even realize that everyone cleared the area around him, shocked at what was happening.

Warm. Suddenly he felt the warmth that was slowly going away since yesterday when Sam held on to his body. He didn’t realize he let out a pained whimper, his body convulsing with pain.

“Shit Steve, it’s okay, you are going to be okay,” Sam said. He looked so panicked, Steve never saw him this rattled. It made him feel guilty, for causing that.

“Get...get everyone to safety,” Steve struggled to say. He could taste blood on his tongue, bitter. He didn’t like it, “You, too. Leave.”

“No,” Sam said. He was crying—Steve had never seen him cry, too. He couldn’t hold back his own tears too—not only because it felt like his whole body was on fire, but because he realized that he didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to leave everyone this soon.

“It’s...okay,” he said, still struggling. No, it was not okay, but he needed to assure Sam that everything would be okay. He started to struggle with his breath, barely being able to let out a sound, “I love you, tell others too...tell Thor...”

Thor. He missed Thor. He didn’t expect to leave Thor this soon. It had been more than a month since they saw each other—it was before Lagos. They had decided that the next time they met, they would go to New Mexico, reminiscing. They wouldn‘t be able to do that. They would never go to space together.

“You tell them yourself,” Sam said, clutching his body. He was glad that at least, he had someone by his side. Steve wanted to say more words, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t breathe, everything hurt so much.

When darkness finally greeted him, he was almost relieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am changing civil war to be more like its comics counterpart. I am mean. This story will be followed by a story called: Lost And Found. It will be canon divergence from Civil War and Ragnarok.


End file.
